Wednesday, February 21 - The Girls

Good evening, Idol fans! After a tempestuous offseason, The Seer is back and ready to blog it up. You might have noticed I'm no longer blogging on my own Web site and have switched to Blogger instead. I've done this for several reasons:

1. I got a new laptop and can't figure out how to work the new Dreamweaver I loaded onto the new computer.

Okay, so there was only one reason. I never said I could count. I'm a Seer, not a mathematician.

There have been many, many other developments in The Seer's life since he last blogged Idol. First, and most importantly, The Seer and The Seer's Wife (TSW) are expecting their first little Seer in May. This is, to say the least, shocking. I have spent my entire adult life trying to impregnate women. I kid, of course. Still, I seriously thought I simply didn't understand the process. I guess I figured it out. Unfortunately, TSW has been on bed rest for two months, meaning The Seer has had to stoop to doing mortal deeds such as laundry, cooking and cleaning. But we're happy to report that everything looks great and, knock on wood, we'll be welcoming a baby girl into the world in a couple months. And this will be no ordinary little girl. She will have the kind of power the rest of you humans only dream of. It'll be a little like Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, only without the senseless murder and George C. Scott.

On to the task at hand - Season 6 of American Idol. How can they possibly top Season 5? Wait a second...what am I talking about? They could go to the Denny's in Bakersfield and find better talent than they had last year. At least they gave us Katharine McPhee last season. Ah, Katharine. What a babe. Interestingly, thinking about Katharine is exactly what got The Seer into this impending fatherhood thing.

I apologize that I didn't blog last night for the boys. I was still trying to figure out how to get my website going again. For the record, I liked Blake Lewis, Phil Stacey and Chris Sligh; I was disappointed in Sundance Head, Nick Pedro and Brandon Rogers; and if Sanjaya Malakar is ever sentenced to be publicly flogged, I'd like to be involved in some small way. No offense, Sanjaya. You're just a little, shall we say, awful. Yes, we shall. (By the way, it's no big deal that Sanjaya's sister didn't make it to this round. Sanjaya does just fine as his own sister, if you catch my drift.) I think Sanjaya and Rudy Cardenas are gone tomorrow.

On to las chaquetas. What? TSW's telling me I just wrote, "on to the jackets." Whatever. I stand by my statement...

Before we get started, I've got to say I'm not really sure why terrorists are so preoccupied with blowing things up. If I were the leader of a terrorist organization, I would train my people to infiltrate groups of American Idol fans. Once an infiltrator had won the trust of a group of Idol fans, he would hold an Idol party at his apartment. Before the show began, the infiltrator would casually suggest a new drinking game called Paula PoundStein. Every time Paula slurs a word or generally does something you'd otherwise only see on Sunset Boulevard between the hours of 3 and 4 am, you have to drink a full stein of beer. 90% of the partygoers would be dead before the first commercial break. With Idol's ratings, you could kill 30 million people in a span of about ten minutes. Seriously, am I the only one who thinks of these things?

Stephanie Edwards - We start off with the girl who The Seer and TSW should be rooting for, considering her name combines both The Seer's and TSW's first names. The first thing I notice is she kind of looks like Fantasia. Well, maybe it's just her hair. It's certainly not her voice. Although she's not that bad. Nice job by Stephanie to start things off.

I'd like to take this time to rip TSW for making me late to tonight's blog. She was on a conference call for work that never seemed to end. Now she's on the phone again. If The Seer had his way, conference calls would be illegal, along with meetings, budgets and all forms of work. Nice job, TSW.

Amy Krebs - Is it just me, or are this year's contestants more anonymous than any other season? I don't remember any of these people, especially Amy. She's going to have to be great to overcome her last name. Krebs? She should have pulled a Ryan Starr and changed her name before the competition to something like Jade Sparkle. Now Jade Sparkle's a name I could get behind. She just hit a note that was so bad that I'm not even sure it existed before as a note. For some reason, the crowd cheered. They must have just been relieved to find out they hadn't gone deaf. She might be a bad singer, but she's also an awful performer. She looks like a dead fish. I've seen more action in a Browns game. Even Paula agrees. Paula appears halfway coherent tonight. Good thing we're not playing Paula PoundStein.

Leslie Hunt - I can tell you already I don't like this girl. She was awful during Hollywood week. She belongs in the top 24 like my phone number belongs on Scarlett Johannson's cell phone SIM card. (Hey, The Seer's a realist.) To tell you the truth, Leslie isn't quite as bad as I thought she'd be, but that's only because I thought she was going to sound like Don Knotts. Another bore.

Sabrina Sloan - This girl's got a great look, so I'm hoping she does well. Plus, she has a good Idol name. Sabrina Sloan vs. Amy Krebs? You make the call. She sounds pretty good. Better than Simon figured, judging by his comments to her during Hollywood week. I don't really know this song, but it's a good choice. Very nice job by this chick. I'm impressed. Paula gave her a standing O. That's a move she can't usually pull off without falling over into Randy's lap. Paula's actually a little sober tonight. Simon loved it.

Antonella Barba - Okay, let's get this out of the way early. The Seer has found his rooting interest. Antonella is this year's Katharine, and it ain't because of her talent. Frankly, I can't tell you what she even sounds like. She's just a bit of orthodontia away from being the perfect woman. Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest just in time for TSW to come in and read what I said about Barbarella, uh, Antonella, it's time to hear her sing. Please be good! Please be good! Please be good! Aerosmith? She's doing Aerosmith?! She sounds and looks very nervous. Don't worry, baby, The Seer's here for you. The judges are gonna rip this. And she deserves it. It wasn't any good. Bad song choice. Bad performance. But she's still freaking smoking hot!!! Honestly, she doesn't need this show. She'll be on a soap opera within three months.

Jordin Sparks - Another great name. Jordin Sparks or Amy Krebs? C'mon, no contest. First of all, this girl doesn't look 17. TSW likes her attitude. I don't like TSW's attitude. Wait, she just gave me a bite of her orange. I knew I loved her. This isn't bad, but she's not really going for it. She's missing energy, like she's not all there. Good last note though. TSW says she's "skimming the surface," which I think is a good way to put it. What, do you want to write this thing, TSW? Tough noogies. Start your own blog.

Nicole Tranquillo - Another one I can't remember from earlier shows. Oh my god, what is this? Is this singing? It sounds more like a car getting a flat tire. She's getting better as the song goes on, but that's not saying much. Plus, she's got some weird movement things going on. I feel like I just watched some kind of freaky puppet show.

Haley Scarnato - So far, we've had girls named Antonella Barba, Nicole Tranquillo and Haley Scarnato. What is this, a Goodfellas reunion? Who's next, Adriana La Cerva? (A little Sopranos humor there for ya.) By the way, pay no attention to the fact that Tranquillo's probably a Spanish name and not Italian. I've gotta write something, you know? As far as Haley's song goes, she sang it like a Disney song. No hipness. No edge. Another boring performance. She is pretty, though.

Melinda Doolittle - Right from the start, Melinda's proving that she's in a different league than most of these dweebs. This chick, to borrow a Randy phrase, can blow. She's no background singer anymore. TSW says that the soon-to-be Baby Seer is kicking her with approval, so I guess she likes Melinda, too. Excellent job, and the best of the night so far. Melinda has confidence now, and that could spell trouble for the rest of the contestants.

Alaina Alexander - This girl's got the look, but TSW says she "sucks" before she's even sung a note. She's got a lot of guts singing a Chrissie Hynde song. That's kind of like tackling Aerosmith. I have to hand it to TSW. Alaina does suck. At least she does with this song. I'd like to think it's just a bad song choice, but she just doesn't have a very good voice. Maybe the worst performance of the night. Am I seeing things, or did the judges critique her twice? That's what they call a "stretch" in the TV biz, kids.

Gina Glocksen - Ballsy song choice, but she's doing a nice job. I had a feeling this girl was going to be good, and she was. This was a great example of what a good song choice can do for you. This competition is almost entirely about picking the right song, and Gina nailed it.

Lakisha Jones - So here we go. You just knew that every girl in this competition and in the years to come will be drooling to sing "(And I Am Telling You) I Am Not Going." [Which is not to be confused with the theme song from the upcoming Gary Coleman biopic called "(And I Am Telling You) I Am Not Growing."] Lakisha's going to be the first. And she'd better knock it out of the park, because this song will make you look like a fool if you can't handle it. The Seer says she can, because she's the last person performing tonight, and according to The Seer's Idol Anchor Theory, Lakisha's gonna get the job done. Oh...my...god. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our favorite. Frankly, I don't think there's really any reason to finish the rest of the season. I'll make my prediction right now - Lakisha's your winner. This is gonna be a blowout.

So there you have it. The Seer's first blog of the year. On the ladies' side, I see Amy Krebs and Leslie Hunt going home. (TSW thinks Antonella's going home and is threatening to pull the phone cord out of the wall if I try to vote for her. I'm voting for her anyway.)

It's going to be an interesting season, as always. Don't forget to forward the URL for The Seer's blog (http://idolseer.blogspot.com/) to as many Idol fans as possible. The Seer wants to become a household name before the season's out. Actually, all he really wants is a bowl of Count Chocula. Mmmmmmmmmm......

Sincerely,

Your friendly, neighborhood Seer