Shalom, Idol fans. The Seer coming to ya tonight from...well, the same place he always comes to you from. His bed. The Seer's feeling a bit run down tonight after a rousing game of basketball with The Seer's Brother and The Seer's Nephew last night. His legs hurt, his arms hurt, and his knee hurts. Obviously, The Seer ain't what he used to be. But he can still see with the best of 'em. What does he see for tonight? Unfortunately, more crapola from the worst cast in American Idol history. Thank God there's an all-new House tonight.
On with the show...
So we've finally come to the much-ballyhooed "Idol Gives Back" show, eh? I wish they'd give these contestants back. I wish they'd give me back the hours I've devoted to blogging this bullplop. But mostly, I wish they'd give Antonella back to the American people.
Chris is up first tonight. Let's see if he can inspire us like his song is supposed to. Nope. This guy is a one trick pony, and the trick sucks. I could go out on the street right now, round up thirty random people and I guarantee I would find a singer who's better than this guy. Not only do I think he's an awful singer, I have a feeling he's one of the dumbest people in American history. In fact, I happened to be on the Idol set earlier this week and I overheard the following exchange between Chris and an Idol producer:
Producer: Hey Chris, what song are you singing this week?
Chris: Me sing good.
Producer: I know, Chris, you are good. But what song are you singing?
Chris: Pork chop good.
Producer: Yes, Chris, pork chops are good. Now what song are you singing?
Chris: Tums?
Producer: No, Tums is an antacid. I need to know your song.
Chris: Jerry Orbach.
Or something like that. What the hell is Randy talking about? He's in it to win it? Win what? The Worst Contestant of the Year award? Simon, too? Give me a break. I defy anyone to point out one good thing about that performance, other than the fact that it ended. I sense a theme here tonight. It' s possible the judges, even Simon, won't want to criticize anyone tonight due to the serious nature of the show's theme. There's no other way to explain their reaction to Chris's awful performance.
Melinda's next. I don't think this is a very good song choice, but as usual she's making the most of it. Melinda is simply the best vocal talent on the show this year. It's not even close. Vocally, it's like Goliath against a bunch of Davids. She's making everyone else look silly. By the way, I know I say this all the time, but she really does sound like Shirley Bassey. Go listen to some Shirley and you'll understand.
It's Blake's turn. Okay, he's taking a risk singing such an amazing, recognizable song. He's doing a nice job with it. As I always say, Blake doesn't have the greatest voice in the world, but his voice does have a unique quality to it. Plus, he's just so likable. It's almost impossible not to root for the guy, unlike that freakoid Chris. I hope Chris is rushed to the hospital tonight for an emergency appendectomy. Then they can bring back Kat McPhee to take his place!
Let's see if LaKisha can turn things around. She's singing a Fantasia song. Interesting choice. And it's not a good one. All she's showing tonight is that she's not as good as Fantasia. And it's not like we're saying she's not as good as Mariah Carey or someone like that. When you pale in comparison to Fantasia, you've got a problem. LaKisha has been a real disappointment this season, and she'll be lucky to survive the week.
Well, so much for my theory that the judges will go easy on everyone tonight. So what the hell were they thinking when they heaped all that praise on Chris? Stupid Chris.
Here comes Phil. I hope he does well, because I like Phil, unlike Chris, who I hate. TSW never fails to mention that he sounds like Jon Secada. I'd like to agree with her, but I'm not sure I've ever heard a Jon Secada song. She just said it again! That's twice in 30 seconds. Miss Originality over here. Well, I've never heard this song, and I'm kind of happy about that, because it's as boring as a Browns game. Having said that, I thought he sounded good singing it. He has a very good voice that's excellent when he picks something that works well for him.
Jordin's last tonight. I'm still not sold on her. I know I'm in the minority here, but I'm willing to see if she can change my mind. Well, she just missed a note big time. This is why I'm not a huge fan of Jordin's. She's just not very consistent. This was not a very good performance. She sounded like she was screaming most of the time and she missed a lot of notes. She's simply not ready for prime time yet, and I think she gets a pass because she's only 17 and she's pretty. Randy says it's one of the best vocals in the history of the show? That's preposterous. If I were Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken I'd send a bag of flaming poop to the judges' homes.
That'll do it for tonight. Make no mistake, Melinda's easily the best singer this season. The bottom three tomorrow? I'll go with Chris, LaKisha and Phil, with Lakisha going home.
Time to go watch an all-new House. I hear it's his toughest case ever!
I hate Chris.
Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
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2 comments:
I hate Chris too. The head bobbing needs to stop - as does his singing.
Blake moved me to tears. I thought his voice sounded great.
And, sorry, but why would Lakisha sing one of those cheesy American Idol songs they make the final two sing??? Diana DeGarmo sang that also as the #2 in Season 3...I even liked her performance better than Lakisha's tonight (and I can't even remember what that may have sounded like).
Overall - pretty boring show.
I agree about Lakisha. She seems like a really nice person and a pretty good singer but she's just not that interesting. What happened to her??? Is she not as good as she was or are we just demanding better?
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