Good evening, Seer fans! The Seer here. (You probably figured that out already using the context clues.) What a night we have in store for us tonight, huh? I'm positively giddy with excitement over tonight's guest! Now if you'll just allow me to log on to americanidol.com to find out who tonight's guest actually is...What? Sylvester Stallone? Oh, wrong Web site. Okay, here we go. It's Tony Bennett. This should be kinda fun. Tony's got it going on. Smooth, hip, happening, groovy, peachy, sweet-ass. He's got it all.
I should mention that The Seer is not at full strength tonight. I woke up at 2 am this morning with a pain in my back that made it feel like a steel beam was being pushed through my kidney. Either I pulled a muscle or TSW was kicking me in her sleep. Oh well, you win some and you lose some. But nothing can keep The Seer from his appointed rounds. Except handcuffs, of course. I should also tell you that TSW hit the 34 week mark today, which is a huge milestone in the annals of pregnancy. No woman has ever been 34 weeks pregnant before. Huh? TSW informs me that's not exactly the case. That's okay, The Baby Seer will make up for TSW's inability to push the limits of human achievement. My guess is TBS will be reading by the time she's 3 months old, doing long division by her first birthday and curing cancer during snack time on her first day at kindergarten. But that will all pale in comparison to her most magnificent accomplishment, winning Wimbledon and American Idol 2029 on the same day.
On with the show...
Ryan says Tony Bennett has released "more than 106 albums." I guess he released one that was broken in half. Blake leads things off tonight singing Mack the Knife. What a great song. A little Bobby Darin for ya. His voice sounds pretty good, but he has absolutely no idea how to move during this song. Which, of course, is ironic, since Blake is known for his moves. Vocally, it was good, but he looked very awkward during the performance. It looked like he just wanted to bust out of his suit. Not his best.
KELLY CLARKSON'S GOING TO SING ON AMERICAN IDOL?!?!? This is gonna be the greatest moment in the history of television, and possibly in the history of the universe! It should get a 400 rating! Oh man, I can't wait. I love my Kelly. So glad she's buried the hatchet with the show that gave her her start.
Phil's still on this show? Well, what do you know? Phil's really going old school here. He's doing a kind of Sinatra thing. He ain't no Sinatra. He sounded very ordinary until the final note, which was very good. A nice finish but the rest was very, very boring. Paula agrees with me. She's right. He was trying to do Sinatra, but it just didn't work. I'm not being rude. Am I?
Here comes Melinda. No doubt she's a great singer, but if she wanted to go dressed as a little old lady on Halloween, she wouldn't even have to wear a costume. She looks like my grandmother right now. I'm fairly certain there's some kind of backstory with this woman that we haven't heard yet. Like she was a guinea pig in a military experiment that took an 82-year-old woman and turned her into a 25-year-old, but the experiment went horribly wrong when the de-aging machine accidentally misplaced her neck in the transformation. Anyway, she was great again tonight. She's always great. She's just so strange looking.
During this entire show, TSW has been going through a box of baby clothes sent to us by my cousin, The Seer's Cousin. This means that every eight seconds I'm hearing "Awwwwww," and it's quite distracting.
It's Chris' turn. Chris is going with the cool plaid fedora. As you know, I'm not a huge Chris fan, but he's doing a very nice job tonight. He's out-Blaking Blake. This might have been his best performance of the season. Very cool. I actually loved it. Plus, I'm thrilled that the other Chris is off the show. I was getting sick of having to type their last initials. That was time I just didn't have. I'm a very busy Seer, you know?
Jordin's up next. She's very good, but her voice just isn't quite as good as the top two girls' voices. This was good, not great, but probably good enough to get her through to next week since America seems to love her. She's only 17? Why was I not informed of this? By the way, Paula's having a lucid night. Looks like she's sans pharmaceutical accompaniment tonight.
Time for Gina to go to work. She keeps defying The Seer's prediction that she's in trouble. Good for her. You tell that nasty Seer, girl! Well, well, well. Now that was a performance I didn't expect. Up until now, Gina's been all rocker chick, but she showed a softer side tonight. And I thought she really nailed it. It wasn't perfect and I still think her voice is a bit weak and thin, but that's about as good a performance as I think you're going to see from Gina. She brought her 'A' game tonight. Plus, she looks very pretty tonight. TSW says she looks "horrible." Such a joy, TSW.
Oy vey. Sanjaya's up. And the beat goes on. In addtion to her annoying looks and moves, she happens to have a wonderfully mediocre voice. She's really the total package. This wasn't her worst performance, but who cares. I think it's finny how after every one of Sanjaya's songs, Randy starts laughing like Jabba the Hutt. I guess that makes Paula Princess Leia and Simon the little Muppet that's always attached to Jabba going, "He he he he he he!"
Well it's obvious that Haley's become the sexpot of the season. She's always wearing very sexy, short, plunging dresses, and, frankly, The Seer's happy about it. By the way, The Seer's Brother says Haley is the hottest Idol contestant ever. Then again, TSB also thinks a Ford Focus looks exactly like Volvo S40. This is a really fun performance from Haley. She's looks like she's having a ball, and her voice sounds better than ever. In fact, I think it might have been the best performance of the night, and I definitely wasn't expecting that. And she looks stunning. I really think the judges missed the boat on this.
Let's finish things up with LaKisha. A great song choice here. LaKisha has such a strong voice that she has the ability to blow the rest of these people, including Melinda, off the stage. This is one of those performances where she did exactly that. When she's on like she was tonight, she makes the rest look like amateurs.
Another good show tonight. Tony Bennett really did do a nice job. So who will be in the bottom three tomorrow? Tough call, but I'll go with Phil, Haley and Gina, with Phil going home.
That'll do it for tonight, kids. The Seer's off to take 17 industrial strength muscle relaxers.
-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
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2 comments:
So I have to say that the Seer was dead on except for one thing, while Haley is certainly smoking hot, she was far from the best performance of the night. She just has no power in her voice.
On another topic, do have any suggestions that will help my wife stop drooling over chris every time he speaks? It kind of reminds me of your situation with TSW and Daughtry.
TSW said the same thing about Haley. She thinks I'm nuts and blinded by the cleavage. My advice is to tell your wife that Chris reminds you of someone she absolutely can't stand, like a mooching relative or an actor who's been convicted of date rape. That always works for me.
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