Hello out there in webby land. The Seer here with another sweet-ass night of blogosity. As we all know by now, Antonella is still on the show, and that truly happies The Seer. She shouldn't be kicked off the show because she took a few compromising photos. (On the contrary, she should be hailed the world over with tickertape parades and a guest spot on Playboy TV.) She should be kicked off the show the old fashioned way, for singing like a beached whale on quaaludes.
Before we get started, how about a little love for The Seer, who correctly picked two of the four who were jettisoned last week. That's not bad considering there were 24 contestants.
Gina Glocksen starts off the night. She's been pretty good, but she doesn't necessarily have the personality to go deep into the competition. She's doing a song that Carrie Underwood knocked out of the park a couple years ago. That's a risk. A real risk. Especially considering she's been flat the whole way through. Big, big mistake to sing that song. Plus, she went first, which means people are going to forget her. Randy liked it. What's wrong with him? Must be deafened by his shirt. Paula likes it, too. What morons. Sic her, Simon! What? Simon kind of liked it, too? Did I take an Ambien? (For those who don't know, The Seer tends to hallucinate on Ambien. It's actually quite funny. I could sell tickets to it. I once thought there was a beaver jumping out of our armoire.) By the way, does anyone else think it was funny that Paula, of all people, remembered Carrie singing "Alone?" She's like some kind of Vicodin savant.
Alaina Alexander is batting second tonight. Last week, she was all style, no substance. She's still pretty hot, and she's still pretty awful. Not even close to being good enough to challenge in this competition. She'll be a lucky, lucky woman to survive this week.
And now it's LaKisha Jones, the star of last week's show. She can solidify her frontrunner status with another great performance tonight. This is one of the great songs of all-time. I've got to say, this was a good performance, but not a great one. It was missing something, especially after what we saw last week. I wish they would stop using backup singers. First of all, they only use them on certain songs, and they take away from the contestant's vocals. Who needs 'em? Overall, a good performance from LaKisha, but nothing overwhelming. I completely agree with Simon on the outfit, by the way.
Can Melinda Doolittle take advantage of LaKisha's slight hiccup? Everybody's horking from Season 4 tonight. Constantine Maroulis sang this song two years ago. Hey, speaking of Constantine, who's the guy TSW is all hot for this year? Why am I asking you? Let me ask TSW, who's busy scarfing down a plate of nachos that The Baby Seer apparently directed her to eat. "They're all too young for me now," says TSW. "The only one I think is objectively attractive this year is Brandon, but none of them make me salivate." She says as she eats her nachos 17 at a time. "I need more sour cream," says TSW. "Just bring me the whole container. I might need more salsa, too." Has anyone ever won a Pulitzer Prize for blogging? Melinda was great, by the way. Best of the night so far, and maybe the best of the season.
Okay, here we go. The moment we've all been waiting for. Antonella Barba time. She's wearing a cool little retro-60s dress. That's a good start. More than her performance, I'm looking forward to how they handle things before and after the song. Will Ryan or the judges mention her photos? More importantly, will they show her photos? I've got TiVo going, baby! Gimme the good stuff! Damn, Antonella looks good! Does she have a nickname? She has to, right? Toni? Nella? Portapotty? Here she goes, after Ryan neglected to mention the photos. Singing a Celine Dion song is, to say the least, stupid. She's just not all that good. Her voice isn't close to being equal to the task. Of course, as I might have failed to mention before, she's smokin' hot!!! Grade: A++. (She gets extra credit for even going out there after what happened this past week. Otherwise, she would have just been an A+.) Hey, show her from the back again. FROM THE BACK, I SAY!
Jordin Sparks is up next. She's a wild card in this thing. In horse racing parlance, she could be any kind, which means she could be good enough to win, or she could be gone in a couple weeks. Nobody really knows. Except The Seer, of course. And he will tell you if you send a $500 check or money order to:
The Seer
Mount Olympus
Back to Jordin, who's doing Christina Aguilera. Kind of like The Seer did a few years ago. Hideous, hideous start. Just dreadful. Appalling. Pitiful. Awful. Have I mentioned hideous? Why are they all picking songs by these great divas with incredible voices? There's no percentage in it unless you're incredible yourself. And incredible Jordin ain't. She does have one of the best names in Idol history, though. That alone should get her into the Final 12. (I haven't seen all the judges miss the boat on a performance like this in a long time.)
Has anyone else noticed how many products of interracial marriage we have on the show this year? I count six or seven. Maybe more. I have no joke for this. TSW, got a joke for this? "Mbubmbuthmblummbth," says TSW.
It's Stephanie Edwards' turn. She was good last week. Right? Who can remember. I can't even remember what I had for dinner tonight, and it's still in my mouth. Wow, Kellie Pickler's on tomorrow night? I haven't been this excited since Yom Kippur. TSW says this is a Beyonce song. Her voice sounds like Beyonce's. She's doing a nice job, and she looks great. She has the best sense of style in the competition. Speaking of Beyonce, what's the over/under on how many auditioners sing "Irreplaceable" next season"? 20,000? I'm singing it right now. Then again, I'm always singing it.
Here's Leslie Hunt, a.k.a. The Contestant Most Likely to Work in the Cubicle Next to You. Why would you pick a song someone just sang last night? I think this is just about the best she can do, which is admirable but not nearly good enough. And she looks like her head is about to explode. At least that would be cool. I'd vote for anyone who blows her head up onstage.
Haley Scarnato's next. She seems like a genuinely nice person. Nice ain't gonna cut it, though. You've gotta have pipes. Or, in Antonella's case, a tremendous rack. There's something amateurish about this performance. It's like she's pretending to be a great singer in a Saturday Night Live skit. I like her, but she just doesn't have it.
Sabrina Sloan is our anchor woman this week. This might surprise you, but The Seer thinks Sabrina is hot. There's something about her. She kind of looks like Mya, and The Seer digs him some Mya. Another wild card. She has potential, but she's a bit unpolished. She's been good tonight, and I think she's a darkhorse candidate to get to the final four or five.
So that's it for tonight. Not as good as the guys last night, but not bad. I think Alaina and Leslie are gone tomorrow.
Have a good night. I've got to go pry the plate of nachos out of TSW's cold, cold hands. If you don't hear from me next week, call the police. Not Sting and Stewart Copeland. They're on tour.
Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
February 27 - The Dudes
Before we get into tonight's show, The Seer would be remiss if he didn't comment on this whole Antonella Barba firestorm. First, let's examine the facts:
I should also mention that, as an important part of my research for this blog, I checked out the hardcore photos of Antonella online 45 minutes ago. I also checked them out 30 minutes ago and 15 minutes ago. Hold on...okay, I just checked them out again. After carefully studying the photos, I can say without equivocation that Paula is drunk.
On with the show...
They start off the show with a little nod to Jennifer Hudson, who won an Oscar the other night. Did anyone else notice that Beyonce made Jennifer sound like an amateur Sunday night? Hudson missed about a hundred notes, just like she used to on Idol, which is why she didn't come close to winning. Jennifer Hudson winning an Oscar might be the biggest travesty in the history of the Academy Awards. She sang great in the movie and she was decent in the role. But an Oscar? Give The Seer a break.
Phil Stacey starts things off this week. He was sensational last week after a weak start. Let's see if he can keep it going. Interesting song choice. It fits his voice well. And he's getting better as the song goes on again. The Seer's Wife wants to know what he looks like with hair. The Seer wants to know what The Seer's Wife looks like without a huge stomach. (By the way, I cleared that line with TSW before I posted this.) Anyway, Phil was great tonight. The only knock against him is that now I'm going to be singing John Waite all night.
On to Jared Cotter, who's about to bust out some Marvin Gaye. Dangerous choice. You'd better be good if you're gonna do Marvin. Why am I thinking he won't be up to the task? He actually sounds better than I thought he would. But did he just dedicate "Let's Get It On" to his parents? And what's with the sneakers? TSW says he's not a star and he has no X-factor. I thought he was pretty good. Not great, but pretty good.
It's time for A.J. Tabaldo. He sounds good so far, but what is this song? Okay, I know it now. He's a bit effeminate, but the boy can sing. And besides, being effeminate never hurt Clay Aiken or The Seer's Brother. Excellent and surprising job by A.J. So far this has been a pretty good show.
Oh no. It's Sanjaya Malakar, the most annoying Idol contestant since John Stevens. What's wrong with this freak? He's not even singing. He's basically talking with a little bit of flair. Why is a 17-year-old kid singing a 45-year-old man's song? There was just just no there there. Boring as balls. By the way, Paula is as sober tonight as she's been in years. Good for the old girl, but I miss crazy, whacked out Paula. Somebody get the woman a Xanax or nine.
Chris Sligh's up next. That's some hairdo. He looks like a cross between Justin Guarini and a blowfish. Good thing he can sing. Another good song choice for Chris. He said he was going to choose great songs, and he's lived up to it so far. Count The Seer among those who don't understand why Chris' wife is with him, though.
On to Nick Pedro, who needs to step up his game after last week's performance. How many times has this song been done on this show? But I've got to say, he's doing a nice job with it. He has a unique tone to his voice, and when he picks the right song he can really shine. And he shone tonight. Most of the guys have picked really good songs tonight. Simon says he has a charismar issue, whatever that means.
Here comes Blake Lewis. He's definitely the most fun contestant this season. Blake always does something cool. He doesn't sound that great, but he probably doesn't need to. And the little beatbox scat thing he did in the middle of the song was awesome. That's an amazing talent, and when he incorporates it properly in to his performances, it's a huge bonus. Simon just bowed to the god of Paular Abdul. I guess that's how they do it in Californiar.
It's Brandon Rogers' turn. He was probably the biggest disappointment last week, so he needs a strong showing. Ten words into this song, it's just about the worst performance in Idol history. God this is awful. It's godawful. Why do people keep singing this song? It single-handedly ruined that chick's chances a couple years ago. What was her name? Nadia? We can't remember her name because she sang this song. Let this be a lesson to the contestants. No more Cyndi Lauper. That was abysmal. American Idol suicide, according to TSW. I agree. Stop with the clever comments, TSW. Or I'm gonna start using them without attributing them to you.
The penultimate spot tonight goes to Chris Richardson. He actually reminds me a bit of Blake style-wise, but he's not as talented or as fun. What's this song called? Geek in the Pink? What the hell does that mean? If that was hotter than the original, as Randy says, I'd hate to hear the original. What? The judges loved it. TSW loved it. Sorry, I didn't get it. It looked to me like he was trying to do his best Katharine Hepburn impression. TSW says I'm out of touch with how the kids do it these days. I'll touch you, TSW.
Can Sundance Head be the awesome anchorman tonight? Oooh, crying in the pre-song package. Excellent move, Sundance! Now this is more like it. This is like the Sundance we saw in his original audition. He needed a performance like this. Good to have you back, Sunny.
This was one of the better shows we've seen in a while. There were only a few clunkers, and nearly everybody picked a good song. Based on their performances, Sanjaya and Brandon deserve to go. But neither will. The Seer sees Jared Cotter and Nick Pedro going home.
That's it for tonight. I'm off to vote for Antonella...
Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
- Antonella is totally freakin' hot
- The photos in question clearly indicate that she would like to date The Seer
- The Seer is one of the great romantic icons of our time
I should also mention that, as an important part of my research for this blog, I checked out the hardcore photos of Antonella online 45 minutes ago. I also checked them out 30 minutes ago and 15 minutes ago. Hold on...okay, I just checked them out again. After carefully studying the photos, I can say without equivocation that Paula is drunk.
On with the show...
They start off the show with a little nod to Jennifer Hudson, who won an Oscar the other night. Did anyone else notice that Beyonce made Jennifer sound like an amateur Sunday night? Hudson missed about a hundred notes, just like she used to on Idol, which is why she didn't come close to winning. Jennifer Hudson winning an Oscar might be the biggest travesty in the history of the Academy Awards. She sang great in the movie and she was decent in the role. But an Oscar? Give The Seer a break.
Phil Stacey starts things off this week. He was sensational last week after a weak start. Let's see if he can keep it going. Interesting song choice. It fits his voice well. And he's getting better as the song goes on again. The Seer's Wife wants to know what he looks like with hair. The Seer wants to know what The Seer's Wife looks like without a huge stomach. (By the way, I cleared that line with TSW before I posted this.) Anyway, Phil was great tonight. The only knock against him is that now I'm going to be singing John Waite all night.
On to Jared Cotter, who's about to bust out some Marvin Gaye. Dangerous choice. You'd better be good if you're gonna do Marvin. Why am I thinking he won't be up to the task? He actually sounds better than I thought he would. But did he just dedicate "Let's Get It On" to his parents? And what's with the sneakers? TSW says he's not a star and he has no X-factor. I thought he was pretty good. Not great, but pretty good.
It's time for A.J. Tabaldo. He sounds good so far, but what is this song? Okay, I know it now. He's a bit effeminate, but the boy can sing. And besides, being effeminate never hurt Clay Aiken or The Seer's Brother. Excellent and surprising job by A.J. So far this has been a pretty good show.
Oh no. It's Sanjaya Malakar, the most annoying Idol contestant since John Stevens. What's wrong with this freak? He's not even singing. He's basically talking with a little bit of flair. Why is a 17-year-old kid singing a 45-year-old man's song? There was just just no there there. Boring as balls. By the way, Paula is as sober tonight as she's been in years. Good for the old girl, but I miss crazy, whacked out Paula. Somebody get the woman a Xanax or nine.
Chris Sligh's up next. That's some hairdo. He looks like a cross between Justin Guarini and a blowfish. Good thing he can sing. Another good song choice for Chris. He said he was going to choose great songs, and he's lived up to it so far. Count The Seer among those who don't understand why Chris' wife is with him, though.
On to Nick Pedro, who needs to step up his game after last week's performance. How many times has this song been done on this show? But I've got to say, he's doing a nice job with it. He has a unique tone to his voice, and when he picks the right song he can really shine. And he shone tonight. Most of the guys have picked really good songs tonight. Simon says he has a charismar issue, whatever that means.
Here comes Blake Lewis. He's definitely the most fun contestant this season. Blake always does something cool. He doesn't sound that great, but he probably doesn't need to. And the little beatbox scat thing he did in the middle of the song was awesome. That's an amazing talent, and when he incorporates it properly in to his performances, it's a huge bonus. Simon just bowed to the god of Paular Abdul. I guess that's how they do it in Californiar.
It's Brandon Rogers' turn. He was probably the biggest disappointment last week, so he needs a strong showing. Ten words into this song, it's just about the worst performance in Idol history. God this is awful. It's godawful. Why do people keep singing this song? It single-handedly ruined that chick's chances a couple years ago. What was her name? Nadia? We can't remember her name because she sang this song. Let this be a lesson to the contestants. No more Cyndi Lauper. That was abysmal. American Idol suicide, according to TSW. I agree. Stop with the clever comments, TSW. Or I'm gonna start using them without attributing them to you.
The penultimate spot tonight goes to Chris Richardson. He actually reminds me a bit of Blake style-wise, but he's not as talented or as fun. What's this song called? Geek in the Pink? What the hell does that mean? If that was hotter than the original, as Randy says, I'd hate to hear the original. What? The judges loved it. TSW loved it. Sorry, I didn't get it. It looked to me like he was trying to do his best Katharine Hepburn impression. TSW says I'm out of touch with how the kids do it these days. I'll touch you, TSW.
Can Sundance Head be the awesome anchorman tonight? Oooh, crying in the pre-song package. Excellent move, Sundance! Now this is more like it. This is like the Sundance we saw in his original audition. He needed a performance like this. Good to have you back, Sunny.
This was one of the better shows we've seen in a while. There were only a few clunkers, and nearly everybody picked a good song. Based on their performances, Sanjaya and Brandon deserve to go. But neither will. The Seer sees Jared Cotter and Nick Pedro going home.
That's it for tonight. I'm off to vote for Antonella...
Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Wednesday, February 21 - The Girls
Good evening, Idol fans! After a tempestuous offseason, The Seer is back and ready to blog it up. You might have noticed I'm no longer blogging on my own Web site and have switched to Blogger instead. I've done this for several reasons:
There have been many, many other developments in The Seer's life since he last blogged Idol. First, and most importantly, The Seer and The Seer's Wife (TSW) are expecting their first little Seer in May. This is, to say the least, shocking. I have spent my entire adult life trying to impregnate women. I kid, of course. Still, I seriously thought I simply didn't understand the process. I guess I figured it out. Unfortunately, TSW has been on bed rest for two months, meaning The Seer has had to stoop to doing mortal deeds such as laundry, cooking and cleaning. But we're happy to report that everything looks great and, knock on wood, we'll be welcoming a baby girl into the world in a couple months. And this will be no ordinary little girl. She will have the kind of power the rest of you humans only dream of. It'll be a little like Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, only without the senseless murder and George C. Scott.
On to the task at hand - Season 6 of American Idol. How can they possibly top Season 5? Wait a second...what am I talking about? They could go to the Denny's in Bakersfield and find better talent than they had last year. At least they gave us Katharine McPhee last season. Ah, Katharine. What a babe. Interestingly, thinking about Katharine is exactly what got The Seer into this impending fatherhood thing.
I apologize that I didn't blog last night for the boys. I was still trying to figure out how to get my website going again. For the record, I liked Blake Lewis, Phil Stacey and Chris Sligh; I was disappointed in Sundance Head, Nick Pedro and Brandon Rogers; and if Sanjaya Malakar is ever sentenced to be publicly flogged, I'd like to be involved in some small way. No offense, Sanjaya. You're just a little, shall we say, awful. Yes, we shall. (By the way, it's no big deal that Sanjaya's sister didn't make it to this round. Sanjaya does just fine as his own sister, if you catch my drift.) I think Sanjaya and Rudy Cardenas are gone tomorrow.
On to las chaquetas. What? TSW's telling me I just wrote, "on to the jackets." Whatever. I stand by my statement...
Before we get started, I've got to say I'm not really sure why terrorists are so preoccupied with blowing things up. If I were the leader of a terrorist organization, I would train my people to infiltrate groups of American Idol fans. Once an infiltrator had won the trust of a group of Idol fans, he would hold an Idol party at his apartment. Before the show began, the infiltrator would casually suggest a new drinking game called Paula PoundStein. Every time Paula slurs a word or generally does something you'd otherwise only see on Sunset Boulevard between the hours of 3 and 4 am, you have to drink a full stein of beer. 90% of the partygoers would be dead before the first commercial break. With Idol's ratings, you could kill 30 million people in a span of about ten minutes. Seriously, am I the only one who thinks of these things?
Stephanie Edwards - We start off with the girl who The Seer and TSW should be rooting for, considering her name combines both The Seer's and TSW's first names. The first thing I notice is she kind of looks like Fantasia. Well, maybe it's just her hair. It's certainly not her voice. Although she's not that bad. Nice job by Stephanie to start things off.
I'd like to take this time to rip TSW for making me late to tonight's blog. She was on a conference call for work that never seemed to end. Now she's on the phone again. If The Seer had his way, conference calls would be illegal, along with meetings, budgets and all forms of work. Nice job, TSW.
Amy Krebs - Is it just me, or are this year's contestants more anonymous than any other season? I don't remember any of these people, especially Amy. She's going to have to be great to overcome her last name. Krebs? She should have pulled a Ryan Starr and changed her name before the competition to something like Jade Sparkle. Now Jade Sparkle's a name I could get behind. She just hit a note that was so bad that I'm not even sure it existed before as a note. For some reason, the crowd cheered. They must have just been relieved to find out they hadn't gone deaf. She might be a bad singer, but she's also an awful performer. She looks like a dead fish. I've seen more action in a Browns game. Even Paula agrees. Paula appears halfway coherent tonight. Good thing we're not playing Paula PoundStein.
Leslie Hunt - I can tell you already I don't like this girl. She was awful during Hollywood week. She belongs in the top 24 like my phone number belongs on Scarlett Johannson's cell phone SIM card. (Hey, The Seer's a realist.) To tell you the truth, Leslie isn't quite as bad as I thought she'd be, but that's only because I thought she was going to sound like Don Knotts. Another bore.
Sabrina Sloan - This girl's got a great look, so I'm hoping she does well. Plus, she has a good Idol name. Sabrina Sloan vs. Amy Krebs? You make the call. She sounds pretty good. Better than Simon figured, judging by his comments to her during Hollywood week. I don't really know this song, but it's a good choice. Very nice job by this chick. I'm impressed. Paula gave her a standing O. That's a move she can't usually pull off without falling over into Randy's lap. Paula's actually a little sober tonight. Simon loved it.
Antonella Barba - Okay, let's get this out of the way early. The Seer has found his rooting interest. Antonella is this year's Katharine, and it ain't because of her talent. Frankly, I can't tell you what she even sounds like. She's just a bit of orthodontia away from being the perfect woman. Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest just in time for TSW to come in and read what I said about Barbarella, uh, Antonella, it's time to hear her sing. Please be good! Please be good! Please be good! Aerosmith? She's doing Aerosmith?! She sounds and looks very nervous. Don't worry, baby, The Seer's here for you. The judges are gonna rip this. And she deserves it. It wasn't any good. Bad song choice. Bad performance. But she's still freaking smoking hot!!! Honestly, she doesn't need this show. She'll be on a soap opera within three months.
Jordin Sparks - Another great name. Jordin Sparks or Amy Krebs? C'mon, no contest. First of all, this girl doesn't look 17. TSW likes her attitude. I don't like TSW's attitude. Wait, she just gave me a bite of her orange. I knew I loved her. This isn't bad, but she's not really going for it. She's missing energy, like she's not all there. Good last note though. TSW says she's "skimming the surface," which I think is a good way to put it. What, do you want to write this thing, TSW? Tough noogies. Start your own blog.
Nicole Tranquillo - Another one I can't remember from earlier shows. Oh my god, what is this? Is this singing? It sounds more like a car getting a flat tire. She's getting better as the song goes on, but that's not saying much. Plus, she's got some weird movement things going on. I feel like I just watched some kind of freaky puppet show.
Haley Scarnato - So far, we've had girls named Antonella Barba, Nicole Tranquillo and Haley Scarnato. What is this, a Goodfellas reunion? Who's next, Adriana La Cerva? (A little Sopranos humor there for ya.) By the way, pay no attention to the fact that Tranquillo's probably a Spanish name and not Italian. I've gotta write something, you know? As far as Haley's song goes, she sang it like a Disney song. No hipness. No edge. Another boring performance. She is pretty, though.
- I got a new laptop and can't figure out how to work the new Dreamweaver I loaded onto the new computer.
There have been many, many other developments in The Seer's life since he last blogged Idol. First, and most importantly, The Seer and The Seer's Wife (TSW) are expecting their first little Seer in May. This is, to say the least, shocking. I have spent my entire adult life trying to impregnate women. I kid, of course. Still, I seriously thought I simply didn't understand the process. I guess I figured it out. Unfortunately, TSW has been on bed rest for two months, meaning The Seer has had to stoop to doing mortal deeds such as laundry, cooking and cleaning. But we're happy to report that everything looks great and, knock on wood, we'll be welcoming a baby girl into the world in a couple months. And this will be no ordinary little girl. She will have the kind of power the rest of you humans only dream of. It'll be a little like Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, only without the senseless murder and George C. Scott.
On to the task at hand - Season 6 of American Idol. How can they possibly top Season 5? Wait a second...what am I talking about? They could go to the Denny's in Bakersfield and find better talent than they had last year. At least they gave us Katharine McPhee last season. Ah, Katharine. What a babe. Interestingly, thinking about Katharine is exactly what got The Seer into this impending fatherhood thing.
I apologize that I didn't blog last night for the boys. I was still trying to figure out how to get my website going again. For the record, I liked Blake Lewis, Phil Stacey and Chris Sligh; I was disappointed in Sundance Head, Nick Pedro and Brandon Rogers; and if Sanjaya Malakar is ever sentenced to be publicly flogged, I'd like to be involved in some small way. No offense, Sanjaya. You're just a little, shall we say, awful. Yes, we shall. (By the way, it's no big deal that Sanjaya's sister didn't make it to this round. Sanjaya does just fine as his own sister, if you catch my drift.) I think Sanjaya and Rudy Cardenas are gone tomorrow.
On to las chaquetas. What? TSW's telling me I just wrote, "on to the jackets." Whatever. I stand by my statement...
Before we get started, I've got to say I'm not really sure why terrorists are so preoccupied with blowing things up. If I were the leader of a terrorist organization, I would train my people to infiltrate groups of American Idol fans. Once an infiltrator had won the trust of a group of Idol fans, he would hold an Idol party at his apartment. Before the show began, the infiltrator would casually suggest a new drinking game called Paula PoundStein. Every time Paula slurs a word or generally does something you'd otherwise only see on Sunset Boulevard between the hours of 3 and 4 am, you have to drink a full stein of beer. 90% of the partygoers would be dead before the first commercial break. With Idol's ratings, you could kill 30 million people in a span of about ten minutes. Seriously, am I the only one who thinks of these things?
Stephanie Edwards - We start off with the girl who The Seer and TSW should be rooting for, considering her name combines both The Seer's and TSW's first names. The first thing I notice is she kind of looks like Fantasia. Well, maybe it's just her hair. It's certainly not her voice. Although she's not that bad. Nice job by Stephanie to start things off.
I'd like to take this time to rip TSW for making me late to tonight's blog. She was on a conference call for work that never seemed to end. Now she's on the phone again. If The Seer had his way, conference calls would be illegal, along with meetings, budgets and all forms of work. Nice job, TSW.
Amy Krebs - Is it just me, or are this year's contestants more anonymous than any other season? I don't remember any of these people, especially Amy. She's going to have to be great to overcome her last name. Krebs? She should have pulled a Ryan Starr and changed her name before the competition to something like Jade Sparkle. Now Jade Sparkle's a name I could get behind. She just hit a note that was so bad that I'm not even sure it existed before as a note. For some reason, the crowd cheered. They must have just been relieved to find out they hadn't gone deaf. She might be a bad singer, but she's also an awful performer. She looks like a dead fish. I've seen more action in a Browns game. Even Paula agrees. Paula appears halfway coherent tonight. Good thing we're not playing Paula PoundStein.
Leslie Hunt - I can tell you already I don't like this girl. She was awful during Hollywood week. She belongs in the top 24 like my phone number belongs on Scarlett Johannson's cell phone SIM card. (Hey, The Seer's a realist.) To tell you the truth, Leslie isn't quite as bad as I thought she'd be, but that's only because I thought she was going to sound like Don Knotts. Another bore.
Sabrina Sloan - This girl's got a great look, so I'm hoping she does well. Plus, she has a good Idol name. Sabrina Sloan vs. Amy Krebs? You make the call. She sounds pretty good. Better than Simon figured, judging by his comments to her during Hollywood week. I don't really know this song, but it's a good choice. Very nice job by this chick. I'm impressed. Paula gave her a standing O. That's a move she can't usually pull off without falling over into Randy's lap. Paula's actually a little sober tonight. Simon loved it.
Antonella Barba - Okay, let's get this out of the way early. The Seer has found his rooting interest. Antonella is this year's Katharine, and it ain't because of her talent. Frankly, I can't tell you what she even sounds like. She's just a bit of orthodontia away from being the perfect woman. Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest just in time for TSW to come in and read what I said about Barbarella, uh, Antonella, it's time to hear her sing. Please be good! Please be good! Please be good! Aerosmith? She's doing Aerosmith?! She sounds and looks very nervous. Don't worry, baby, The Seer's here for you. The judges are gonna rip this. And she deserves it. It wasn't any good. Bad song choice. Bad performance. But she's still freaking smoking hot!!! Honestly, she doesn't need this show. She'll be on a soap opera within three months.
Jordin Sparks - Another great name. Jordin Sparks or Amy Krebs? C'mon, no contest. First of all, this girl doesn't look 17. TSW likes her attitude. I don't like TSW's attitude. Wait, she just gave me a bite of her orange. I knew I loved her. This isn't bad, but she's not really going for it. She's missing energy, like she's not all there. Good last note though. TSW says she's "skimming the surface," which I think is a good way to put it. What, do you want to write this thing, TSW? Tough noogies. Start your own blog.
Nicole Tranquillo - Another one I can't remember from earlier shows. Oh my god, what is this? Is this singing? It sounds more like a car getting a flat tire. She's getting better as the song goes on, but that's not saying much. Plus, she's got some weird movement things going on. I feel like I just watched some kind of freaky puppet show.
Haley Scarnato - So far, we've had girls named Antonella Barba, Nicole Tranquillo and Haley Scarnato. What is this, a Goodfellas reunion? Who's next, Adriana La Cerva? (A little Sopranos humor there for ya.) By the way, pay no attention to the fact that Tranquillo's probably a Spanish name and not Italian. I've gotta write something, you know? As far as Haley's song goes, she sang it like a Disney song. No hipness. No edge. Another boring performance. She is pretty, though.
Melinda Doolittle - Right from the start, Melinda's proving that she's in a different league than most of these dweebs. This chick, to borrow a Randy phrase, can blow. She's no background singer anymore. TSW says that the soon-to-be Baby Seer is kicking her with approval, so I guess she likes Melinda, too. Excellent job, and the best of the night so far. Melinda has confidence now, and that could spell trouble for the rest of the contestants.
Alaina Alexander - This girl's got the look, but TSW says she "sucks" before she's even sung a note. She's got a lot of guts singing a Chrissie Hynde song. That's kind of like tackling Aerosmith. I have to hand it to TSW. Alaina does suck. At least she does with this song. I'd like to think it's just a bad song choice, but she just doesn't have a very good voice. Maybe the worst performance of the night. Am I seeing things, or did the judges critique her twice? That's what they call a "stretch" in the TV biz, kids.
Gina Glocksen - Ballsy song choice, but she's doing a nice job. I had a feeling this girl was going to be good, and she was. This was a great example of what a good song choice can do for you. This competition is almost entirely about picking the right song, and Gina nailed it.
Lakisha Jones - So here we go. You just knew that every girl in this competition and in the years to come will be drooling to sing "(And I Am Telling You) I Am Not Going." [Which is not to be confused with the theme song from the upcoming Gary Coleman biopic called "(And I Am Telling You) I Am Not Growing."] Lakisha's going to be the first. And she'd better knock it out of the park, because this song will make you look like a fool if you can't handle it. The Seer says she can, because she's the last person performing tonight, and according to The Seer's Idol Anchor Theory, Lakisha's gonna get the job done. Oh...my...god. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our favorite. Frankly, I don't think there's really any reason to finish the rest of the season. I'll make my prediction right now - Lakisha's your winner. This is gonna be a blowout.
So there you have it. The Seer's first blog of the year. On the ladies' side, I see Amy Krebs and Leslie Hunt going home. (TSW thinks Antonella's going home and is threatening to pull the phone cord out of the wall if I try to vote for her. I'm voting for her anyway.)
It's going to be an interesting season, as always. Don't forget to forward the URL for The Seer's blog (http://idolseer.blogspot.com/) to as many Idol fans as possible. The Seer wants to become a household name before the season's out. Actually, all he really wants is a bowl of Count Chocula. Mmmmmmmmmm......
Sincerely,
Your friendly, neighborhood Seer
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