Shalom, Idol fans. The Seer coming to ya tonight from...well, the same place he always comes to you from. His bed. The Seer's feeling a bit run down tonight after a rousing game of basketball with The Seer's Brother and The Seer's Nephew last night. His legs hurt, his arms hurt, and his knee hurts. Obviously, The Seer ain't what he used to be. But he can still see with the best of 'em. What does he see for tonight? Unfortunately, more crapola from the worst cast in American Idol history. Thank God there's an all-new House tonight.
On with the show...
So we've finally come to the much-ballyhooed "Idol Gives Back" show, eh? I wish they'd give these contestants back. I wish they'd give me back the hours I've devoted to blogging this bullplop. But mostly, I wish they'd give Antonella back to the American people.
Chris is up first tonight. Let's see if he can inspire us like his song is supposed to. Nope. This guy is a one trick pony, and the trick sucks. I could go out on the street right now, round up thirty random people and I guarantee I would find a singer who's better than this guy. Not only do I think he's an awful singer, I have a feeling he's one of the dumbest people in American history. In fact, I happened to be on the Idol set earlier this week and I overheard the following exchange between Chris and an Idol producer:
Producer: Hey Chris, what song are you singing this week?
Chris: Me sing good.
Producer: I know, Chris, you are good. But what song are you singing?
Chris: Pork chop good.
Producer: Yes, Chris, pork chops are good. Now what song are you singing?
Chris: Tums?
Producer: No, Tums is an antacid. I need to know your song.
Chris: Jerry Orbach.
Or something like that. What the hell is Randy talking about? He's in it to win it? Win what? The Worst Contestant of the Year award? Simon, too? Give me a break. I defy anyone to point out one good thing about that performance, other than the fact that it ended. I sense a theme here tonight. It' s possible the judges, even Simon, won't want to criticize anyone tonight due to the serious nature of the show's theme. There's no other way to explain their reaction to Chris's awful performance.
Melinda's next. I don't think this is a very good song choice, but as usual she's making the most of it. Melinda is simply the best vocal talent on the show this year. It's not even close. Vocally, it's like Goliath against a bunch of Davids. She's making everyone else look silly. By the way, I know I say this all the time, but she really does sound like Shirley Bassey. Go listen to some Shirley and you'll understand.
It's Blake's turn. Okay, he's taking a risk singing such an amazing, recognizable song. He's doing a nice job with it. As I always say, Blake doesn't have the greatest voice in the world, but his voice does have a unique quality to it. Plus, he's just so likable. It's almost impossible not to root for the guy, unlike that freakoid Chris. I hope Chris is rushed to the hospital tonight for an emergency appendectomy. Then they can bring back Kat McPhee to take his place!
Let's see if LaKisha can turn things around. She's singing a Fantasia song. Interesting choice. And it's not a good one. All she's showing tonight is that she's not as good as Fantasia. And it's not like we're saying she's not as good as Mariah Carey or someone like that. When you pale in comparison to Fantasia, you've got a problem. LaKisha has been a real disappointment this season, and she'll be lucky to survive the week.
Well, so much for my theory that the judges will go easy on everyone tonight. So what the hell were they thinking when they heaped all that praise on Chris? Stupid Chris.
Here comes Phil. I hope he does well, because I like Phil, unlike Chris, who I hate. TSW never fails to mention that he sounds like Jon Secada. I'd like to agree with her, but I'm not sure I've ever heard a Jon Secada song. She just said it again! That's twice in 30 seconds. Miss Originality over here. Well, I've never heard this song, and I'm kind of happy about that, because it's as boring as a Browns game. Having said that, I thought he sounded good singing it. He has a very good voice that's excellent when he picks something that works well for him.
Jordin's last tonight. I'm still not sold on her. I know I'm in the minority here, but I'm willing to see if she can change my mind. Well, she just missed a note big time. This is why I'm not a huge fan of Jordin's. She's just not very consistent. This was not a very good performance. She sounded like she was screaming most of the time and she missed a lot of notes. She's simply not ready for prime time yet, and I think she gets a pass because she's only 17 and she's pretty. Randy says it's one of the best vocals in the history of the show? That's preposterous. If I were Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken I'd send a bag of flaming poop to the judges' homes.
That'll do it for tonight. Make no mistake, Melinda's easily the best singer this season. The bottom three tomorrow? I'll go with Chris, LaKisha and Phil, with Lakisha going home.
Time to go watch an all-new House. I hear it's his toughest case ever!
I hate Chris.
Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
April 18, 2007
Hello folks, The Seer here. I don't normally post on Wednesday nights, but I had a couple things to say. First, good for the Idol producers and Simon. The controversy surrounding whether Simon was rolling his eyes over Chris' Virginia Tech comment was ridiculous, and anyone who thought Simon was guilty is a moron. I'm very happy to see they cleared it up once and for all.
Now, on to the big story of the night. Who the hell dressed Fergie tonight? She has her biggest forum ever...tens of millions of people watching, and she wears a long-sleeved, thigh-length shirt with no cleavage? Is she freakin' kidding? I've seen more skin on a peeled potato. What a complete waste of time and effort. I haven't been this disappointed since breakfast.
Seer out.
Now, on to the big story of the night. Who the hell dressed Fergie tonight? She has her biggest forum ever...tens of millions of people watching, and she wears a long-sleeved, thigh-length shirt with no cleavage? Is she freakin' kidding? I've seen more skin on a peeled potato. What a complete waste of time and effort. I haven't been this disappointed since breakfast.
Seer out.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
The Final 7 - April 17, 2007
So here we are, Idol fans, down to the final seven. What a long, strange, awful, boring, awfully boring trip it's been. Has this been the worst season of American Idol to date? Well, let's just say that when the Season 6 broadcasts reach Omicron Persei 8 in two million years, the Omicronians will do one of two things:
Interestingly, we don't have a country-type singer on the show this year. Unless, of course, you count Sanjaya. Wow, that was a really awkward open to the show. Wasn't it? They should have saved comment about the Virginia Tech tragedy until after the opening theme. It just didn't work.
Well, there you go. This proves I didn't know Martina McBride. I would have guessed that she's a blond. Then again, I guess that every woman is a blond. Always good to be optimistic, The Seer says!
Phil's leading off tonight. Haven't seen much from him in the past few weeks. Wow, who woulda thunk it? After all this, turns out Phil's a country singer! This is an excellent performance. The best he's sounded in about a month. He even looks better than he ever has. A great way to start off the show after last week's dreckfest.
Next up is Jordin, who really has to prove something to The Seer. So far, I think she's the most overrated person on the show this season, along with Chris Richardson and Randy. Just kiddin' dawg, I feel ya. Here's one more thing I feel: this performance. Gotta give the girl props. That was fantastic. Maybe I was wr... Um, I might have been wrrr... I was wrro... Okay, I might have not been exactly correct about her. That was her best performance of the year.
Here we go with the star of the show. Let's face it, watching Sanjaya has been one of the only good reasons to tune in this season. Love her or hate her, she's appointment viewing. Unfortunately, it's usually an appointment for a root canal. Sanjaya and country music? They should go together about as well as Don Imus and The Pointer Sisters. Has anyone else noticed that Sanjaya seems to have aged four years during this season? She's a foot taller than she was a few months ago and her voiced has changed. Is it just me, or did that backup singer Sanjaya moseyed on up to shoot her a look that said, "Dude, come any closer and I'm gonna stick this microphone stand through your pancreas!"? As far as the performance goes, it actually wasn't the worst I've seen. Not very good, but not totally dreadful.
It's time for LaKisha. This chick's been a real tough one to figure out this season. When she's really on, nobody can touch her. But that's only happened once or twice all season. This is a weird rendition of this song. The chorus didn't really have the impact it should have. I don't know if it was the arrangement or the key she sang the chorus in, but something was off. Another disappointing performance from LaKisha. I'm beginning to think that one amazing performance she gave two months ago was an aberration.
What's Chris got for us tonight? You know who he sounds like? Bucky, the hick from last year. TSW thinks he's versatile. Yeah, he's good at sucking at so many different genres. Is he horrible? No. Is he worthy of winning American Idol? Not even close. Compare him to Kelly, Ruben, Clay, Fantasia, Carrie, and even Taylor. He's not even close. I hope he gets VD. Okay, I don't really hopes he gets VD. A real bad case of laryngitis would be nice, though. Then maybe they'll bring Antonella back to take his place! By the way, Simon hit it right on the head. Chris's voice is tinny. That's his major problem. If this guy wins, I'll renounce my Seership.
Melinda's up next. No necklace tonight, but TSW says her neck looks better because her hair is long. Or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention, so to be honest I don't really know what she said. I've started tuning TSW out because everything she says these days is either about cheesecake or hot fudge. Melinda did a great job as usual tonight. She's clearly the only great singer in this competition. She's shone in every genre, and she even looks pretty good tonight. This is going to be one of those seasons like Season 1 where the winner - Melinda - crushes the runner up by a margin of 90% to 10%.
Blake's the anchorman tonight. I really like Blake. As I've said many times, we haven't seen anyone like him on this show. This performance isn't the greatest in Idol history. It's also not the best tonight. But it was good, and it had character. Even though he doesn't have the world's best voice, he always does something unique and memorable.
So who's in tomorrow's bottom three? This is the toughest week of the year to call. Okay, let's go with LaKisha, Phil and Chris, with Chris going home. Sorry, Chris fans. (And if Chris doesn't go home, it's probably because he teared up when talking about his friends at Virginia Tech.)
It's also time for The Seer to make his Final 3 prediction. I think Melinda, Blake and, yes, Sanjaya, will make the Final 3 this year. You heard it here first. There's always a surprise in the top three. Last year's shocker, for example, was Elliott over Chris.
So there you have it. Another rousing edition of The Seer's American Idol Blog. Happy to bring it to you. Now quit bothering me.
-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
- If the earth still exists, they'll immediately dispatch 30 of their death ships to blow the planet up; or
- If the earth doesn't exist anymore, they'll put 30 of their death ships into a mammoth DeLorean, travel back in time to when the earth did exist, then blow the planet up
Interestingly, we don't have a country-type singer on the show this year. Unless, of course, you count Sanjaya. Wow, that was a really awkward open to the show. Wasn't it? They should have saved comment about the Virginia Tech tragedy until after the opening theme. It just didn't work.
Well, there you go. This proves I didn't know Martina McBride. I would have guessed that she's a blond. Then again, I guess that every woman is a blond. Always good to be optimistic, The Seer says!
Phil's leading off tonight. Haven't seen much from him in the past few weeks. Wow, who woulda thunk it? After all this, turns out Phil's a country singer! This is an excellent performance. The best he's sounded in about a month. He even looks better than he ever has. A great way to start off the show after last week's dreckfest.
Next up is Jordin, who really has to prove something to The Seer. So far, I think she's the most overrated person on the show this season, along with Chris Richardson and Randy. Just kiddin' dawg, I feel ya. Here's one more thing I feel: this performance. Gotta give the girl props. That was fantastic. Maybe I was wr... Um, I might have been wrrr... I was wrro... Okay, I might have not been exactly correct about her. That was her best performance of the year.
Here we go with the star of the show. Let's face it, watching Sanjaya has been one of the only good reasons to tune in this season. Love her or hate her, she's appointment viewing. Unfortunately, it's usually an appointment for a root canal. Sanjaya and country music? They should go together about as well as Don Imus and The Pointer Sisters. Has anyone else noticed that Sanjaya seems to have aged four years during this season? She's a foot taller than she was a few months ago and her voiced has changed. Is it just me, or did that backup singer Sanjaya moseyed on up to shoot her a look that said, "Dude, come any closer and I'm gonna stick this microphone stand through your pancreas!"? As far as the performance goes, it actually wasn't the worst I've seen. Not very good, but not totally dreadful.
It's time for LaKisha. This chick's been a real tough one to figure out this season. When she's really on, nobody can touch her. But that's only happened once or twice all season. This is a weird rendition of this song. The chorus didn't really have the impact it should have. I don't know if it was the arrangement or the key she sang the chorus in, but something was off. Another disappointing performance from LaKisha. I'm beginning to think that one amazing performance she gave two months ago was an aberration.
What's Chris got for us tonight? You know who he sounds like? Bucky, the hick from last year. TSW thinks he's versatile. Yeah, he's good at sucking at so many different genres. Is he horrible? No. Is he worthy of winning American Idol? Not even close. Compare him to Kelly, Ruben, Clay, Fantasia, Carrie, and even Taylor. He's not even close. I hope he gets VD. Okay, I don't really hopes he gets VD. A real bad case of laryngitis would be nice, though. Then maybe they'll bring Antonella back to take his place! By the way, Simon hit it right on the head. Chris's voice is tinny. That's his major problem. If this guy wins, I'll renounce my Seership.
Melinda's up next. No necklace tonight, but TSW says her neck looks better because her hair is long. Or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention, so to be honest I don't really know what she said. I've started tuning TSW out because everything she says these days is either about cheesecake or hot fudge. Melinda did a great job as usual tonight. She's clearly the only great singer in this competition. She's shone in every genre, and she even looks pretty good tonight. This is going to be one of those seasons like Season 1 where the winner - Melinda - crushes the runner up by a margin of 90% to 10%.
Blake's the anchorman tonight. I really like Blake. As I've said many times, we haven't seen anyone like him on this show. This performance isn't the greatest in Idol history. It's also not the best tonight. But it was good, and it had character. Even though he doesn't have the world's best voice, he always does something unique and memorable.
So who's in tomorrow's bottom three? This is the toughest week of the year to call. Okay, let's go with LaKisha, Phil and Chris, with Chris going home. Sorry, Chris fans. (And if Chris doesn't go home, it's probably because he teared up when talking about his friends at Virginia Tech.)
It's also time for The Seer to make his Final 3 prediction. I think Melinda, Blake and, yes, Sanjaya, will make the Final 3 this year. You heard it here first. There's always a surprise in the top three. Last year's shocker, for example, was Elliott over Chris.
So there you have it. Another rousing edition of The Seer's American Idol Blog. Happy to bring it to you. Now quit bothering me.
-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
The Final 8 - April 10, 2007
Hey there, Idol worshipers. How's it going out there in Seerland? Exciting night for Idol, with Jennifer Love Hewitt or whatever her name is on the show tonight. The Seer doesn't like JLo personally, but he sure does like her music. From 'Jenny From the Block' to 'I'm Real,' The Seer is a big fan and not afraid to say it.
I am, however, afraid to say that I didn't actually realize that I can post photos on this blog. Many thanks to The Seer's Little Helper (SLH) for pointing that out. Way to go, SLH! You've either just greatly enhanced the reading pleasure of Seer fans everywhere, or you've begun The Seer's inevitable slide into cyberoblivion. My money's on the latter, especially since I've decided to post photos of the three things that happen to be on my mind this very second:
In case you're wondering, the first photo is of C.C. Sabathia, the ace of The Seer's beloved Cleveland Indians' pitching staff. The second photo is of a Skyline Chili 3-way, The Seer's favorite food. Which brings me to the third photo. In case you don't recognize her, it's Charisma Carpernter, possibly the world's hottest woman. TSW was watching Charmed the other night, which I swear she does seven times a day. (I wish I was kidding about that. There's some network that literally shows it 21 hours every day.) And who turns up on the show but Charisma Carpenter. I asked TSW what character she was playing, and guess what? Her character is called The Seer! Now I don't know exactly what to make of this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that Charisma is head over heels in love with me. Right? RIGHT?!
On with the show...
Anybody notice Mickey Dolenz of The Monkees there? I love The Monkees. So here's the JLo intro. I wonder what she's really like. Some people say she's really nice, and others say she's a total bitch. We know one thing, this is one of the few guests who actually is making these kids go gaga. Go gaga? Go ga-ga, go ga-ga-ga is all I want to say to you...
Melinda's up first tonight, and she's right, she ain't sexy. She's the neckless wonder. Actually, she looks better tonight than usual. Good move with the necklace. She really does sound like Shirley Bassey. I don't think there's any question she's the most consistently good singer this season. Does she knock my socks off? No, but she's extremely talented and would be a worthy winner.
Paula's got that glazed over look in her eyes tonight, although it's difficult to see through those bangs.
They've really front-loaded tonight's show, with LaKisha following Melinda. The two favorites right off the bat. How short is she? She's way shorter than JLo. Isn't JLo short? I don't understand celebrity heights. At all. I've never liked this song. (Apparently, TSW agrees.) Something about it bothers me. This is just okay. It's actually kind of boring. LaKisha has to be careful or she's going to hand this competition over to the neckless wonder.
Chris is up next. He's doing "Smooth," one of the most overplayed songs of the last 20 years. What the hell key is he singing in? An awful beginning. Man, he started off poorly and hasn't gotten any better. This is a disastrous song choice for him. It just doesn't fit his voice at all. The second half was immeasurably better than the first, but it doesn't make up for the crappiness of the first half.
Here comes Haley, who's probably living on borrowed time at this point. What's with all the Gloria Estefan tonight? I hate Gloria Estefan. Oooh, more short shorts. I'm sure to hear from The Seer's Brother again. As TSW said, that candy apple lipstick is a little much. Am I the only one who thinks she looks like Linda Blair? Not a great performance, or even good, but I didn't think it was bad as Randy or TSW thought.
It's Phil's turn. JLo says you can't buy goose pimples. Poppycock. I bought some at Sears the other day for $14.99. But I had to return them because I found out they were actually swan pimples. Freakin' Sears. As for Phil's performance, TSW is saying something about how pale he is and why are there so many tanning salons in Southern California. Or something like that. Anyhoo, he was pretty good. In general, I like his voice.
Jordin's up. Another god damn Gloria Estefan song? Excuse me, isn't Jennifer Lopez the guest tonight? What the hell's going on here? I don't care if this was the greatest performance in Idol history, which it isn't. I would still give it a thumbs down. This sucked. This whole show sucks. What are they going to sing when they have Estefan on as a guest? Prince songs? By the way, this girl is the most overrated contestant on the show this year. She's just not that good.
Maybe Blake can rescue this train wreck. By the way, I'm sick of trying to keep track of who JLo's living with now. Ben, Mark, that first dude who nobody knew. The other dude nobody knew. Do you realize she's lived with 12 men in the last two years? Seems like it, anyway. What's wrong with these celebrities? I thought Blake was very good tonight. Light years ahead of anyone but Melinda.
Sanjaya is last tonight? Oy. What if she comes out and does a fantastic job? That would be interesting, wouldn't it? I've got to say, she actually sounds like a real singer tonight. This was an excellent song choice. Not spectacular, but clearly her best performance of the season. I can't believe I'm writing this, but I've got to say that was the third best performance of the night.
Okay, so what do we have tonight? Overall, a poor show. Not a single freakin' JLo song. What's up with that? Melinda's talent towered over everyone tonight, and she has taken a clear lead. Blake was good, Sanjaya was actually pretty good, and everyone else was mediocre at best. I think Haley, Phil and Jordin will be your bottom three, with Haley going home.
That'll do it for me. Oh, one more thing...
Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
I am, however, afraid to say that I didn't actually realize that I can post photos on this blog. Many thanks to The Seer's Little Helper (SLH) for pointing that out. Way to go, SLH! You've either just greatly enhanced the reading pleasure of Seer fans everywhere, or you've begun The Seer's inevitable slide into cyberoblivion. My money's on the latter, especially since I've decided to post photos of the three things that happen to be on my mind this very second:
In case you're wondering, the first photo is of C.C. Sabathia, the ace of The Seer's beloved Cleveland Indians' pitching staff. The second photo is of a Skyline Chili 3-way, The Seer's favorite food. Which brings me to the third photo. In case you don't recognize her, it's Charisma Carpernter, possibly the world's hottest woman. TSW was watching Charmed the other night, which I swear she does seven times a day. (I wish I was kidding about that. There's some network that literally shows it 21 hours every day.) And who turns up on the show but Charisma Carpenter. I asked TSW what character she was playing, and guess what? Her character is called The Seer! Now I don't know exactly what to make of this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that Charisma is head over heels in love with me. Right? RIGHT?!
On with the show...
Anybody notice Mickey Dolenz of The Monkees there? I love The Monkees. So here's the JLo intro. I wonder what she's really like. Some people say she's really nice, and others say she's a total bitch. We know one thing, this is one of the few guests who actually is making these kids go gaga. Go gaga? Go ga-ga, go ga-ga-ga is all I want to say to you...
Melinda's up first tonight, and she's right, she ain't sexy. She's the neckless wonder. Actually, she looks better tonight than usual. Good move with the necklace. She really does sound like Shirley Bassey. I don't think there's any question she's the most consistently good singer this season. Does she knock my socks off? No, but she's extremely talented and would be a worthy winner.Paula's got that glazed over look in her eyes tonight, although it's difficult to see through those bangs.
They've really front-loaded tonight's show, with LaKisha following Melinda. The two favorites right off the bat. How short is she? She's way shorter than JLo. Isn't JLo short? I don't understand celebrity heights. At all. I've never liked this song. (Apparently, TSW agrees.) Something about it bothers me. This is just okay. It's actually kind of boring. LaKisha has to be careful or she's going to hand this competition over to the neckless wonder.
Chris is up next. He's doing "Smooth," one of the most overplayed songs of the last 20 years. What the hell key is he singing in? An awful beginning. Man, he started off poorly and hasn't gotten any better. This is a disastrous song choice for him. It just doesn't fit his voice at all. The second half was immeasurably better than the first, but it doesn't make up for the crappiness of the first half.
Here comes Haley, who's probably living on borrowed time at this point. What's with all the Gloria Estefan tonight? I hate Gloria Estefan. Oooh, more short shorts. I'm sure to hear from The Seer's Brother again. As TSW said, that candy apple lipstick is a little much. Am I the only one who thinks she looks like Linda Blair? Not a great performance, or even good, but I didn't think it was bad as Randy or TSW thought.
It's Phil's turn. JLo says you can't buy goose pimples. Poppycock. I bought some at Sears the other day for $14.99. But I had to return them because I found out they were actually swan pimples. Freakin' Sears. As for Phil's performance, TSW is saying something about how pale he is and why are there so many tanning salons in Southern California. Or something like that. Anyhoo, he was pretty good. In general, I like his voice.
Jordin's up. Another god damn Gloria Estefan song? Excuse me, isn't Jennifer Lopez the guest tonight? What the hell's going on here? I don't care if this was the greatest performance in Idol history, which it isn't. I would still give it a thumbs down. This sucked. This whole show sucks. What are they going to sing when they have Estefan on as a guest? Prince songs? By the way, this girl is the most overrated contestant on the show this year. She's just not that good. 
Maybe Blake can rescue this train wreck. By the way, I'm sick of trying to keep track of who JLo's living with now. Ben, Mark, that first dude who nobody knew. The other dude nobody knew. Do you realize she's lived with 12 men in the last two years? Seems like it, anyway. What's wrong with these celebrities? I thought Blake was very good tonight. Light years ahead of anyone but Melinda. 
Sanjaya is last tonight? Oy. What if she comes out and does a fantastic job? That would be interesting, wouldn't it? I've got to say, she actually sounds like a real singer tonight. This was an excellent song choice. Not spectacular, but clearly her best performance of the season. I can't believe I'm writing this, but I've got to say that was the third best performance of the night.Okay, so what do we have tonight? Overall, a poor show. Not a single freakin' JLo song. What's up with that? Melinda's talent towered over everyone tonight, and she has taken a clear lead. Blake was good, Sanjaya was actually pretty good, and everyone else was mediocre at best. I think Haley, Phil and Jordin will be your bottom three, with Haley going home.
That'll do it for me. Oh, one more thing...
Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
The Final 9 - April 3, 2007
Good evening, Seer fans! The Seer here. (You probably figured that out already using the context clues.) What a night we have in store for us tonight, huh? I'm positively giddy with excitement over tonight's guest! Now if you'll just allow me to log on to americanidol.com to find out who tonight's guest actually is...What? Sylvester Stallone? Oh, wrong Web site. Okay, here we go. It's Tony Bennett. This should be kinda fun. Tony's got it going on. Smooth, hip, happening, groovy, peachy, sweet-ass. He's got it all.
I should mention that The Seer is not at full strength tonight. I woke up at 2 am this morning with a pain in my back that made it feel like a steel beam was being pushed through my kidney. Either I pulled a muscle or TSW was kicking me in her sleep. Oh well, you win some and you lose some. But nothing can keep The Seer from his appointed rounds. Except handcuffs, of course. I should also tell you that TSW hit the 34 week mark today, which is a huge milestone in the annals of pregnancy. No woman has ever been 34 weeks pregnant before. Huh? TSW informs me that's not exactly the case. That's okay, The Baby Seer will make up for TSW's inability to push the limits of human achievement. My guess is TBS will be reading by the time she's 3 months old, doing long division by her first birthday and curing cancer during snack time on her first day at kindergarten. But that will all pale in comparison to her most magnificent accomplishment, winning Wimbledon and American Idol 2029 on the same day.
On with the show...
Ryan says Tony Bennett has released "more than 106 albums." I guess he released one that was broken in half. Blake leads things off tonight singing Mack the Knife. What a great song. A little Bobby Darin for ya. His voice sounds pretty good, but he has absolutely no idea how to move during this song. Which, of course, is ironic, since Blake is known for his moves. Vocally, it was good, but he looked very awkward during the performance. It looked like he just wanted to bust out of his suit. Not his best.
KELLY CLARKSON'S GOING TO SING ON AMERICAN IDOL?!?!? This is gonna be the greatest moment in the history of television, and possibly in the history of the universe! It should get a 400 rating! Oh man, I can't wait. I love my Kelly. So glad she's buried the hatchet with the show that gave her her start.
Phil's still on this show? Well, what do you know? Phil's really going old school here. He's doing a kind of Sinatra thing. He ain't no Sinatra. He sounded very ordinary until the final note, which was very good. A nice finish but the rest was very, very boring. Paula agrees with me. She's right. He was trying to do Sinatra, but it just didn't work. I'm not being rude. Am I?
Here comes Melinda. No doubt she's a great singer, but if she wanted to go dressed as a little old lady on Halloween, she wouldn't even have to wear a costume. She looks like my grandmother right now. I'm fairly certain there's some kind of backstory with this woman that we haven't heard yet. Like she was a guinea pig in a military experiment that took an 82-year-old woman and turned her into a 25-year-old, but the experiment went horribly wrong when the de-aging machine accidentally misplaced her neck in the transformation. Anyway, she was great again tonight. She's always great. She's just so strange looking.
During this entire show, TSW has been going through a box of baby clothes sent to us by my cousin, The Seer's Cousin. This means that every eight seconds I'm hearing "Awwwwww," and it's quite distracting.
It's Chris' turn. Chris is going with the cool plaid fedora. As you know, I'm not a huge Chris fan, but he's doing a very nice job tonight. He's out-Blaking Blake. This might have been his best performance of the season. Very cool. I actually loved it. Plus, I'm thrilled that the other Chris is off the show. I was getting sick of having to type their last initials. That was time I just didn't have. I'm a very busy Seer, you know?
Jordin's up next. She's very good, but her voice just isn't quite as good as the top two girls' voices. This was good, not great, but probably good enough to get her through to next week since America seems to love her. She's only 17? Why was I not informed of this? By the way, Paula's having a lucid night. Looks like she's sans pharmaceutical accompaniment tonight.
Time for Gina to go to work. She keeps defying The Seer's prediction that she's in trouble. Good for her. You tell that nasty Seer, girl! Well, well, well. Now that was a performance I didn't expect. Up until now, Gina's been all rocker chick, but she showed a softer side tonight. And I thought she really nailed it. It wasn't perfect and I still think her voice is a bit weak and thin, but that's about as good a performance as I think you're going to see from Gina. She brought her 'A' game tonight. Plus, she looks very pretty tonight. TSW says she looks "horrible." Such a joy, TSW.
Oy vey. Sanjaya's up. And the beat goes on. In addtion to her annoying looks and moves, she happens to have a wonderfully mediocre voice. She's really the total package. This wasn't her worst performance, but who cares. I think it's finny how after every one of Sanjaya's songs, Randy starts laughing like Jabba the Hutt. I guess that makes Paula Princess Leia and Simon the little Muppet that's always attached to Jabba going, "He he he he he he!"
Well it's obvious that Haley's become the sexpot of the season. She's always wearing very sexy, short, plunging dresses, and, frankly, The Seer's happy about it. By the way, The Seer's Brother says Haley is the hottest Idol contestant ever. Then again, TSB also thinks a Ford Focus looks exactly like Volvo S40. This is a really fun performance from Haley. She's looks like she's having a ball, and her voice sounds better than ever. In fact, I think it might have been the best performance of the night, and I definitely wasn't expecting that. And she looks stunning. I really think the judges missed the boat on this.
Let's finish things up with LaKisha. A great song choice here. LaKisha has such a strong voice that she has the ability to blow the rest of these people, including Melinda, off the stage. This is one of those performances where she did exactly that. When she's on like she was tonight, she makes the rest look like amateurs.
Another good show tonight. Tony Bennett really did do a nice job. So who will be in the bottom three tomorrow? Tough call, but I'll go with Phil, Haley and Gina, with Phil going home.
That'll do it for tonight, kids. The Seer's off to take 17 industrial strength muscle relaxers.
-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
I should mention that The Seer is not at full strength tonight. I woke up at 2 am this morning with a pain in my back that made it feel like a steel beam was being pushed through my kidney. Either I pulled a muscle or TSW was kicking me in her sleep. Oh well, you win some and you lose some. But nothing can keep The Seer from his appointed rounds. Except handcuffs, of course. I should also tell you that TSW hit the 34 week mark today, which is a huge milestone in the annals of pregnancy. No woman has ever been 34 weeks pregnant before. Huh? TSW informs me that's not exactly the case. That's okay, The Baby Seer will make up for TSW's inability to push the limits of human achievement. My guess is TBS will be reading by the time she's 3 months old, doing long division by her first birthday and curing cancer during snack time on her first day at kindergarten. But that will all pale in comparison to her most magnificent accomplishment, winning Wimbledon and American Idol 2029 on the same day.
On with the show...
Ryan says Tony Bennett has released "more than 106 albums." I guess he released one that was broken in half. Blake leads things off tonight singing Mack the Knife. What a great song. A little Bobby Darin for ya. His voice sounds pretty good, but he has absolutely no idea how to move during this song. Which, of course, is ironic, since Blake is known for his moves. Vocally, it was good, but he looked very awkward during the performance. It looked like he just wanted to bust out of his suit. Not his best.
KELLY CLARKSON'S GOING TO SING ON AMERICAN IDOL?!?!? This is gonna be the greatest moment in the history of television, and possibly in the history of the universe! It should get a 400 rating! Oh man, I can't wait. I love my Kelly. So glad she's buried the hatchet with the show that gave her her start.
Phil's still on this show? Well, what do you know? Phil's really going old school here. He's doing a kind of Sinatra thing. He ain't no Sinatra. He sounded very ordinary until the final note, which was very good. A nice finish but the rest was very, very boring. Paula agrees with me. She's right. He was trying to do Sinatra, but it just didn't work. I'm not being rude. Am I?
Here comes Melinda. No doubt she's a great singer, but if she wanted to go dressed as a little old lady on Halloween, she wouldn't even have to wear a costume. She looks like my grandmother right now. I'm fairly certain there's some kind of backstory with this woman that we haven't heard yet. Like she was a guinea pig in a military experiment that took an 82-year-old woman and turned her into a 25-year-old, but the experiment went horribly wrong when the de-aging machine accidentally misplaced her neck in the transformation. Anyway, she was great again tonight. She's always great. She's just so strange looking.
During this entire show, TSW has been going through a box of baby clothes sent to us by my cousin, The Seer's Cousin. This means that every eight seconds I'm hearing "Awwwwww," and it's quite distracting.
It's Chris' turn. Chris is going with the cool plaid fedora. As you know, I'm not a huge Chris fan, but he's doing a very nice job tonight. He's out-Blaking Blake. This might have been his best performance of the season. Very cool. I actually loved it. Plus, I'm thrilled that the other Chris is off the show. I was getting sick of having to type their last initials. That was time I just didn't have. I'm a very busy Seer, you know?
Jordin's up next. She's very good, but her voice just isn't quite as good as the top two girls' voices. This was good, not great, but probably good enough to get her through to next week since America seems to love her. She's only 17? Why was I not informed of this? By the way, Paula's having a lucid night. Looks like she's sans pharmaceutical accompaniment tonight.
Time for Gina to go to work. She keeps defying The Seer's prediction that she's in trouble. Good for her. You tell that nasty Seer, girl! Well, well, well. Now that was a performance I didn't expect. Up until now, Gina's been all rocker chick, but she showed a softer side tonight. And I thought she really nailed it. It wasn't perfect and I still think her voice is a bit weak and thin, but that's about as good a performance as I think you're going to see from Gina. She brought her 'A' game tonight. Plus, she looks very pretty tonight. TSW says she looks "horrible." Such a joy, TSW.
Oy vey. Sanjaya's up. And the beat goes on. In addtion to her annoying looks and moves, she happens to have a wonderfully mediocre voice. She's really the total package. This wasn't her worst performance, but who cares. I think it's finny how after every one of Sanjaya's songs, Randy starts laughing like Jabba the Hutt. I guess that makes Paula Princess Leia and Simon the little Muppet that's always attached to Jabba going, "He he he he he he!"
Well it's obvious that Haley's become the sexpot of the season. She's always wearing very sexy, short, plunging dresses, and, frankly, The Seer's happy about it. By the way, The Seer's Brother says Haley is the hottest Idol contestant ever. Then again, TSB also thinks a Ford Focus looks exactly like Volvo S40. This is a really fun performance from Haley. She's looks like she's having a ball, and her voice sounds better than ever. In fact, I think it might have been the best performance of the night, and I definitely wasn't expecting that. And she looks stunning. I really think the judges missed the boat on this.
Let's finish things up with LaKisha. A great song choice here. LaKisha has such a strong voice that she has the ability to blow the rest of these people, including Melinda, off the stage. This is one of those performances where she did exactly that. When she's on like she was tonight, she makes the rest look like amateurs.
Another good show tonight. Tony Bennett really did do a nice job. So who will be in the bottom three tomorrow? Tough call, but I'll go with Phil, Haley and Gina, with Phil going home.
That'll do it for tonight, kids. The Seer's off to take 17 industrial strength muscle relaxers.
-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
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