The Final 2 - May 22, 2007

Well, here we are, Idol fans. Finally down to the final two. Sorry I wasn't able to blog last week. It was quite a week in The Seer's household. TSW gave birth Saturday night to our little bundle of joy (literally) - Sydney Joy, a.k.a. The Baby Seer! TSW and TBS are doing beautifully. Here are a couple shots of the little one:










As you can see, she's a little cutie. But, of course, she's much more than a pretty face. The powers she possesses are way beyond what even I had imagined. For instance, she lifted a car today with only her mind. And not some little car like a Mini Cooper or an AMC Gremlin, mind you. I'm talking about a Ford Expedition with the sport and power packages. Imagine what she'll do tomorrow...

Okay, let's talk Idol. You all know how disappointed I have been with this season, which has had all the excitement of a Bob Dole press conference. I was mildly surprised and a bit disappointed that Melinda was voted off last week. I thought she was easily the best vocalist on the show. In fact, nobody else was even close. I wasn't a huge fan and won't buy her records, but the best singer deserves to be on the final show every year. Now we're left with Blake, who I'm thrilled about since he was the most fun, exciting and original performer of the year; and Jordin, who I've thought was overrated all year long. So you know who I'm rooting for. By the way, a peculiar streak will come to an end tomorrow. All five American Idols to date have been southerners. Either Blake, who hails from the Seattle area; or Jordin, an Arizonan, will snap the streak.

On with the show...

So Paula "tripped over her dog," eh? That's code for,"I passed out from all the Vicodin and hit my forehead on the fist of the guy I happened to be with that night. What was his name again?"

Blake is starting things off tonight. His first song is 'You Give Love a Bad Name,' the absolute highlight of the season. I really wish Blake had changed his hair back. The old color was much more natural for him. This performance isn't having the same impact it did the first time, but that's only because it was such a breath of fresh air the first time. This time around, we had heard it all before, but it still reminded us of how great a performance it truly was. It's still one of the most original and fun performances in Idol history.

Oh no, there's Chris Richardson. I hate him. I hope he gets crabs.

Here's Jordin's first song. It's a little Xtina. I guess this is Jordin's song choice because I don't remember it from earlier this year. It was a very good performance. I do think that Jordin is talented and at her best is as good as anyone on the show this year. I'm skeptical, though, that she can put in two more great performances.

Round two. Blake did well with a Maroon 5 song a few weeks ago. Can he repeat that performance? Well, first of all, he's wearing my sweater. Seriously, I own that sweater. I KNEW I WAS COOL! Maybe I'll start wearing eyeliner, too! This isn't the greatest performance. His voice was a bit sharp, and the song just isn't all that fun. I think this was actually a mistake.

So I think Jordin has an opening here if she can bring the house down. What if she literally brought the house down? What if Ryan introduced her and she came out on stage with a sledgehammer and started banging away at the walls of the Kodak Theater, then ran outside and got into the cab of a wrecking ball machine and proceeded to bash the walls in until the whole building collapsed? That might be the only thing that could make this season worth watching. But, then again, where would the Oscars go next year? Okay, bad plan. So this song was great until Jordin got into the chorus, where it became a bit shaky, but then she brought it back home strong. What does that mean? Who knows. Overall, I thought it was very good. I'd give round two to Jordin. And why not? Paula says Jordin's in "great vocal voice" tonight. And Paula's in fantastic drunken drink.

Here's Blake singing the songwriting competition-winning song. I don't own that sweater. How would you describe Blake's overall look exactly? Geek chic? His outfit might be interesting, but this song sucks fat, fat ass. It's showing how weak his voice can be. A bad break for Blake. A bad Blake break. And TSW says he has a cat mouth, whatever the hell that means. Though I can't criticize her because she just gave birth to the greatest human being who will ever walk the planet. First there was Elvis Presley, then Bernie Kosar, and now Sydney Joy.

Jordin has a chance to seal this thing with her final song. Let's see if she can do more with this material. Well, she did more than Blake did with it, but it suited her style and talents much better than it did Blake's. Still, she didn't knock it out of the park. She's been inconsistent all season in my opinion, and this song was a good example of that. Good, but not great, and not worthy of an American Idol. But she cried at the end, so that should be the clincher.

So what do we have here? Simon said it's a singing competition, and he's right. He's also correct that she beat Blake in round 3. But that's more an indictment of Blake than an endorsement of Jordin. Jordin will win tomorrow night, but make no mistake...she is not in the same league as Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia Barrino or Carrie Underwood. Or even Melinda, for that matter.

Well, it was fun blogging for all of you out there in Seerland, but all good things must come to an end. Or all bad things, if you're talking about season six of American Idol. This is the second lackluster season in a row. Here's hoping that the show gets back on track next year!

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer

The Seer on Blake

Okay, I had to jump back on after watching Blake sing Roxanne. I want to go back to something I said back on April 8:
_______________

It's always fun when Blake comes around. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Blake's voice, and even his look, remind me of Sting. This might sound strange, but trust me, at some point one of the judges is going to make the Sting comparison and you'll shout at the TV, "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE SEER SAID!"
___________

So did you shout it? DID YOU? Does The Seer know his sh*t, or what? Paula feels me, dog. That's why she picked the song. He was great. It was his best vocal performance of the year. His second song was excellent, too. And Jordin's boring. Which means she'll probably win, That would be a travesty.

Seer out.

Sorry everyone!

Sorry, Idol fans. The Seer won't be able to blog tonight. He has family in town and he's doing lots of baby-related things. The Baby Seer is due in the next couple of days. I hope everyone enjoyed tonight's show. I'll try to get back on it next week for the finale...

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer

Wednesday, May 9

TSW wanted me to let everyone know that she meant to ask if Billy Joel had ever been on the show, not Elton John. I say if you've seen one piano player, you've seen 'em all.

The Final 4 - May 8, 2007

Good evening, Idol fans! The Seer here, ready to deliver what promises to be one of the most interesting blogs in recent memory. That's because The Seer won't actually be blogging. Instead, he'll be watching his beloved Cleveland Cavaliers take on the New Jersey Nets in game 2 of the NBA's Eastern Conference Semifinals. Sorry, Seer fans, some things simply take precedence. Like LeBron, for instance. LeBron takes precedence over everything but Skyline Chili.

But fear not, my loyal subjects. I have enlisted none other than The Seer's Wife to guide you through tonight's Final 4 show. While TSW herself does not have any special prognosticating skills, she is currently home to The Seer's Baby, who will make her grand debut at some point in the next ten days. And, as we all know, TSB will no doubt possess all of her father's wondrous abilities and then some. So, think of tonight's blog as a joint effort from the women in The Seer's life. That's, of course, if I can pry TSW away from her precious computer solitaire game, which is just slightly less difficult than creating cold fusion using only three paper clips and a pint of orange sherbet.

I have given TSW carte blanche to write anything she wants, as long as:

1. She makes me sound cool if she writes about me
2. She gives me a good back scratch later
3. She isn't funnier than I am
4. She doesn't tell any stories about how I constantly talk to myself (which would also violate rule #1, and possibly rule #3 as well)

I have great confidence in my lovely wife to carry on the grand Seer tradition. I wouldn't give a job this important to just anyone. In the four years since I started going out with her, I have found TSW to be bright, talented, funny, insightful and one of the best cooks I have ever dated. She can speak three languages fluently, and is one of the most dedicated watchers of crappy television I've ever known. She also happens to own the world record for the longest restaurant order - an amazing seven minute, 43 second effort at the Olive Garden in West Palm Beach, Florida that involved no fewer than three waitresses and two busboys.

So, without further ado, I present to you, live from wherever she happens to be right now...hey now...The Seer's Wife! (I'll be in the other room screaming obscenities at the television set. So, really, I'm just going to be doing the same thing I usually do on Tuesday nights at 8 pm, only in a different room with a different show. By the way, if you read something like, "Ohhhhhhh. OUUUCH! OWWWWWW! AHHHHHH!!!!" please give me a call and let me know. That means it's time for me to TiVo the Cavs game and get the car started.)

Hi all,

This is Stephanie, and I have never been to the Olive Garden. Just want to clear that up first thing. Don't know why I agreed to do this - I personally think that SLH would do a much better job!! Anyway, my goal is to watch this in real time and not hit pause in order to continue writing, like the seer does. I find it annoying to drag out AI another 20 - 30 minutes, and that, my friends, is why solitaire is an integral part of my viewing experience. We'll see if this is doable.

The Bee Gees episode - this should be fun! Not as fun as I think Abba would be, but that's just one of many artists on my list that I would love to see on the show. Has Elton John been on? I can't remember (much of anything these days). If not, he should. What about Sheryl Crow? No one ever sings her songs on this show.

Wow - Mr. Barry Gibb has not aged well. I wonder what his brother Andy Gibb would look like, had he lived. He was my huge elementary school crush. Barry certainly has a weird way of talking - it's a mixture of bad dentures, an Australian accent, and a lipless Lord Voldemort.

OK - I lied about the not pausing. Out of nowhere, I suddenly got an image of myself relishing a chocolate covered glazed donut. Of course we don't have any of those here, so I had to go rummage in the kitchen. I found a bag of brownie chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe's and am enjoying one now. I've got to get these things out of the house. Note to self - send to PCG with The Seer tomorrow!

Back to Melinda. Damn that was a good cookie.

Melinda looks SOOO much better with longer hair. You almost can't notice her lack of neck. I think this is a good song choice for her - what exactly are the women supposed to do with your canon of songs, Barry? Your whole schtick was singing in falsetto. Not sure what he would have chosen for her - or any of the female contestants for that matter. Without a doubt, Melinda is a great singer, and she's a good performer to boot. I just can't imagine what kind of album she would put out that I would want to buy. While she's the best singer on the show, I just don't get her as an American Idol. Wondering what the rest of you think about this??? That was a low blow from Simon - telling Melinda that was a "back-up" type of performance. Hitting her in her vulnerable place. Ouch.

Blake looks better blonde. Let's just put it on the table. Not impressed with him as a brunette, even with the blonde streaks in the front (which by the way is so 10 years ago - to be specific - so Claire in 90210). I have to say I'm not digging his falsetto, his cheesemeister outfit or his moves tonight. Anyone else notice that even when he's not singing his mouth is open? Kind of gives him a dumb, slackjawed look. Overall, boring and uncomfortably, effeminately weird. I'm not feeling him tonight, dawg.

LaKisha really showed great poise by watching the very weird looking Barry Gibb sing the "staying alive" chorus up in her face like that. She looks good tonight. I think her hair looks good (and as you can tell, that's what I'm paying attention to tonight!). I have the same complaint about her that I always do, though. I think she just looks dead in the eyes. Makes me doubt that she's feeling or channeling any authentic emotion at all. Makes me not buy her performance. To me that seemed like another mediocre performance by LaKisha.

Jordin is apparently Kelly Clarkson's fave this season. Kelly said she's young and not jaded yet. I think Jordin is a gorgeous girl with a lot of potential. She could drop 20 pounds and be a supermodel if this doesn't work out for her. Unfortunately this song is boring the bejeesus out of me. I don't have this kind of downtime - I could go into labor at any moment. Wish I was playing spider solitaire right now. I have no idea why the crowd is responding to her so warmly. I don't get it. I believe we're at the point in the season where the judges get really biased and give over the top critiques and praises to influence the vote. They've clearly decided that Jordin should be a top two contestant.

And now it starts all over again. Melinda, take two. She "prays" she's ready to perform to tonight. Anyone else notice how religious the contestants were this season? Melinda, Phil, LaKisha... There are a number of contestants who would probably be very happy as gospel singers after their AI experience. I can't believe the song choices tonight. Could someone puh-leeze choose an uptempo song. You've got the entire disco era to choose from. I would like to hear some booty-shaking music, and the baby seer really likes to get her groove on in-utero. I have a feeling The Seer will really like this song and this performance when he watches it later. It's putting me to sleep. Maybe I should bring a copy of this with me to labor and delivery for a little hypno-birthing.

Blake is trying to do something upbeat, and I sincerely appreciate that. Unfortunately, no one knows this song so it's a little hard to get into. I disagree with Barry that this song could be a hit - ever. Maybe I'll be eating these words later. Get Timbaland to produce it, and I guess anything could happen. Barry Gibb is not doing for the idols what Bon Jovi did for them. The energy is just not there like it was last week, when almost everyone sounded great.

LaKisha is doing, what else, a ballad. I think she's sounds better in her practice sessions than she does on stage. She's doing a better job on this unknown song than she's done in a while. You can hear some of the more interesting qualities in her voice that originally made me like her. From the judges comments, sounds like they have decided she needs to go home.

Jordin is singing a song that I used to love when I was in my Barbra Streisand phase way back when. Interested to hear her interpretation... So she dressed for prom. 'Tis the season. Guess she's got a hotel room booked and some mad dog stashed in the trunk of her car. Or maybe that's just how we did it in the South. At first I thought she sounded good on the high notes and that her voice was well suited for this song. Now it seems like she's just screeching at me. Stop it!!!!

So here are my predictions - I think LaKisha will go home, even though I think Jordin or Blake deserve to go home, though. Will I make a call to manifest my opinion either way? No I will not.

Thanks for reading! Tune in next week to see if The Seer is here blogging or has his hands full with a new baby! Ciao!

Hey dudes and dudettes. The Seer back with ya. It's halftime, and the Cavs have a three point lead. So how'd TSW do? I must say, I agree with every single thing she's written despite the fact that I haven't watched the show yet and I haven't read a word she wrote. I can just sense these things. I am a seer, after all. I'd like to thank the lovely TSW for pinch hitting for me tonight. She's a real trooper. I'd also like to thank her for not going into labor so I can watch the rest of my game.

(By the way, I'm surprised I got off so easy. There wasn't even one story of how I talk to myself about horse racing in the bathroom. And that happens at least four times a day.)

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer

The Final 6 (Again) - May 1, 2007

Howdy, Idol lovers! The Seer here, ready for another slam-bang night full of the sweetest singin' action anywhere. At least it would be if any of these freaks could actually sing. Is it just me, or does this whole season feel like one long episode of Punk'd? If it is, they must have a huge budget considering they'd need 30 million cameras to capture the reaction of all the viewers when Ashton Kutcher runs out on stage. So if one of these Tuesday nights a camera crew pops out of your closet, don't be frightened. Just enjoy your 15 minutes.

You know, I've often said one of the things that makes The Seer special is his spontaneity. (I've also often said how creepy it is that The Seer refers to himself in the third person.) Case in point: I have absolutely no idea who tonight's celebrity coach is. I think that really spices things up, don't you? So, right now, in front of all of you lovely people out in Seerland, I'm going to log on to americanidol.com and find out. One moment, please... God damn it! Bon Jovi? I can't make fun of Jon Bon Jovi. He's way too cool, too hip and too nice a guy. So instead I'll make fun of The Seer's Brother. Man, that TSB. What a dork, right?

Before we get on with the show, I should point out that there's no chance I'll actually be able to hear any of the contestants tonight because we have a really loud fan going in our room. Why do we have a really loud fan going in our room? Because our building was built in 1950 and its air conditioning system can only do heat or cool at any given time. In other words, when the building system is set to heat, it takes a week to switch it to cool. And it's still set to heat because, apparently, the elderly lobby in our building is as powerful as the Teamsters and they need the heat on when it's 65 degrees outside. Seriously, what's up with old people? They're ugly, they're evidently always cold, and they get in my way when I'm trying to walk fast.

On with the show...

Oh jeez, I just remembered that we still have six of these jerkwads to listen to. It's bad enough that they suck, but now we have to listen to them all again?

Jon Bon Jovi's actually starting to look a bit older. That's not a good sign for any of us. I mean, if he doesn't look so good anymore, what the hell chance do the rest of us have?

Phil starts things off tonight. You know what? Phil's starting to gain some serious momentum. Another excellent song choice. Of the three remaining male contestants, he is the best vocalist. Of course, the really loud fan in my room is a better vocalist than Chris. God I hate Chris. Anyway, great performance by Phil. I'm starting to think he's a dark horse to make the final two. That's one of the few times I agree with Randy and Paula and disagree with Simon.

Jordin's singing 'Livin' on a Prayer?' This has no choice but to suck. She's all rocked out tonight. Black clothes, dark lipstick. Frizzy hair. It's a different side of her, and that's good to see. I'm actually liking it more than I thought I would. And I'm sure the judges will love it. Jordin could arm fart the national anthem and they'd say they've never seen a 17 year old who could do that before. Well, Randy didn't like it all that much. Seems Paula didn't, either. Wow, Simon hated it. Hmmmm. I still think it was better than most of the stuff she's done.

Time for LaKisha, who was obviously replaced with a doppelganger eight weeks ago. She'd better do something big tonight, because she was lucky they didn't eliminate anyone last week. She's doing fine, but she should be doing great. She's like Fantasia Light. I think she should come out every week and sing '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' Just do it every time. Country night? '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' Rock and roll night? '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' Polka night? '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' That would be sweet. She was better tonight than she's been in weeks, but she wasn't amazing. Just good. Maybe very good. But not great.

It's Blake's turn. Hard to imagine Blake being a rocker. Okay, I just watched that whole performance without typing a word. I wanted to save my critique for when it was all over. I know you're all waiting with bated breath to hear what The Seer has to say about Blake's performance. So here it is... the single best performance of the year. Thank god for this kid. He has been just about the only reason to watch this dreadful season. Now, I'm not saying it was the best vocal performance of the year. But for sheer entertainment, it completely ripped every other performance to shreds this year. From the very first beat I was mesmerized. This performance showed once and for all that Blake is the most original and interesting performer this show has ever seen. He's not the best singer, but he's the best performer. And he has the balls to make each and every song his own. Way to go, Blake. You've just single-handedly made me want to watch this show again. I will vote for Blake tonight, and I haven't voted in three months.

Oh great. Chris is up. Good. I'm glad they put him after Blake. It will undoubtedly show how awful a performer he is. Remember when The Seer called Chris the most moronic person in America a couple weeks ago? Well, here's the transcription of the conversation he had with Ryan:

Ryan: What do you tell yourself before you walk out on that stage in front of the millions watching?

Chris: Hmmm. Just have fun. Make it like it's the last, you know. And just have fun, man. It's, it's, it's all about...just have fun.

The Seer rests his case. Why doesn't Ryan just say, "Dude, you're going home tonight. I'm sorry. There's really no reason to keep you around anymore." Incredibly, I think this is pretty good. It's actually a very good song choice for him. In fact, it might be his best performance of the season. Of course, I haven't liked many of his performances this year, so that's not saying much. Still, it was good, and I'm very surprised. (By the way, no one can ever accuse The Seer of not being objective. In case I haven't mentioned it, I hate Chris. But I give credit where credit is due.)

I like commercials with chicks in bras.

Melinda's closing things out tonight. Another great performance, and she moved effortlessly into the rocker mode. She's just a great singer, and she's gotten better with each passing week. Again, in terms of vocals, she's head and shoulders above the rest of the remaining contestants.

Paula was right. This was a very good night. I actually enjoyed every one of the six performances. It's going to be very difficult to eliminate two of these based on tonight's performances. Blake should get a free pass into the final three after his risky tour de force. Keep in mind that last week's votes count. If they have a bottom three, I'll go with LaKiska, Phil and Jordin, with LaKisha and Phil going home.

So there you have it. Another fantastic night of blogging, if I do say so myself. Wait a minute, what the hell's Zeorge Bush doing on my screen? Oh well, no show is perfect.

Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

The Final 6 - April 24, 2007

Shalom, Idol fans. The Seer coming to ya tonight from...well, the same place he always comes to you from. His bed. The Seer's feeling a bit run down tonight after a rousing game of basketball with The Seer's Brother and The Seer's Nephew last night. His legs hurt, his arms hurt, and his knee hurts. Obviously, The Seer ain't what he used to be. But he can still see with the best of 'em. What does he see for tonight? Unfortunately, more crapola from the worst cast in American Idol history. Thank God there's an all-new House tonight.

On with the show...

So we've finally come to the much-ballyhooed "Idol Gives Back" show, eh? I wish they'd give these contestants back. I wish they'd give me back the hours I've devoted to blogging this bullplop. But mostly, I wish they'd give Antonella back to the American people.

Chris is up first tonight. Let's see if he can inspire us like his song is supposed to. Nope. This guy is a one trick pony, and the trick sucks. I could go out on the street right now, round up thirty random people and I guarantee I would find a singer who's better than this guy. Not only do I think he's an awful singer, I have a feeling he's one of the dumbest people in American history. In fact, I happened to be on the Idol set earlier this week and I overheard the following exchange between Chris and an Idol producer:

Producer: Hey Chris, what song are you singing this week?
Chris: Me sing good.
Producer: I know, Chris, you are good. But what song are you singing?
Chris: Pork chop good.
Producer: Yes, Chris, pork chops are good. Now what song are you singing?
Chris: Tums?
Producer: No, Tums is an antacid. I need to know your song.
Chris: Jerry Orbach.

Or something like that. What the hell is Randy talking about? He's in it to win it? Win what? The Worst Contestant of the Year award? Simon, too? Give me a break. I defy anyone to point out one good thing about that performance, other than the fact that it ended. I sense a theme here tonight. It' s possible the judges, even Simon, won't want to criticize anyone tonight due to the serious nature of the show's theme. There's no other way to explain their reaction to Chris's awful performance.

Melinda's next. I don't think this is a very good song choice, but as usual she's making the most of it. Melinda is simply the best vocal talent on the show this year. It's not even close. Vocally, it's like Goliath against a bunch of Davids. She's making everyone else look silly. By the way, I know I say this all the time, but she really does sound like Shirley Bassey. Go listen to some Shirley and you'll understand.

It's Blake's turn. Okay, he's taking a risk singing such an amazing, recognizable song. He's doing a nice job with it. As I always say, Blake doesn't have the greatest voice in the world, but his voice does have a unique quality to it. Plus, he's just so likable. It's almost impossible not to root for the guy, unlike that freakoid Chris. I hope Chris is rushed to the hospital tonight for an emergency appendectomy. Then they can bring back Kat McPhee to take his place!

Let's see if LaKisha can turn things around. She's singing a Fantasia song. Interesting choice. And it's not a good one. All she's showing tonight is that she's not as good as Fantasia. And it's not like we're saying she's not as good as Mariah Carey or someone like that. When you pale in comparison to Fantasia, you've got a problem. LaKisha has been a real disappointment this season, and she'll be lucky to survive the week.

Well, so much for my theory that the judges will go easy on everyone tonight. So what the hell were they thinking when they heaped all that praise on Chris? Stupid Chris.

Here comes Phil. I hope he does well, because I like Phil, unlike Chris, who I hate. TSW never fails to mention that he sounds like Jon Secada. I'd like to agree with her, but I'm not sure I've ever heard a Jon Secada song. She just said it again! That's twice in 30 seconds. Miss Originality over here. Well, I've never heard this song, and I'm kind of happy about that, because it's as boring as a Browns game. Having said that, I thought he sounded good singing it. He has a very good voice that's excellent when he picks something that works well for him.

Jordin's last tonight. I'm still not sold on her. I know I'm in the minority here, but I'm willing to see if she can change my mind. Well, she just missed a note big time. This is why I'm not a huge fan of Jordin's. She's just not very consistent. This was not a very good performance. She sounded like she was screaming most of the time and she missed a lot of notes. She's simply not ready for prime time yet, and I think she gets a pass because she's only 17 and she's pretty. Randy says it's one of the best vocals in the history of the show? That's preposterous. If I were Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken I'd send a bag of flaming poop to the judges' homes.

That'll do it for tonight. Make no mistake, Melinda's easily the best singer this season. The bottom three tomorrow? I'll go with Chris, LaKisha and Phil, with Lakisha going home.

Time to go watch an all-new House. I hear it's his toughest case ever!

I hate Chris.

Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

April 18, 2007

Hello folks, The Seer here. I don't normally post on Wednesday nights, but I had a couple things to say. First, good for the Idol producers and Simon. The controversy surrounding whether Simon was rolling his eyes over Chris' Virginia Tech comment was ridiculous, and anyone who thought Simon was guilty is a moron. I'm very happy to see they cleared it up once and for all.

Now, on to the big story of the night. Who the hell dressed Fergie tonight? She has her biggest forum ever...tens of millions of people watching, and she wears a long-sleeved, thigh-length shirt with no cleavage? Is she freakin' kidding? I've seen more skin on a peeled potato. What a complete waste of time and effort. I haven't been this disappointed since breakfast.

Seer out.

The Final 7 - April 17, 2007

So here we are, Idol fans, down to the final seven. What a long, strange, awful, boring, awfully boring trip it's been. Has this been the worst season of American Idol to date? Well, let's just say that when the Season 6 broadcasts reach Omicron Persei 8 in two million years, the Omicronians will do one of two things:

• If the earth still exists, they'll immediately dispatch 30 of their death ships to blow the planet up; or
• If the earth doesn't exist anymore, they'll put 30 of their death ships into a mammoth DeLorean, travel back in time to when the earth did exist, then blow the planet up

Speaking of blowing, tonight's guest is Martina McBride. I don't even know what that meant, especially since I couldn't tell Martina McBride from Martina Navratilova. Actually, that's not true. Navratilova's the one with the Adams Apple.

Interestingly, we don't have a country-type singer on the show this year. Unless, of course, you count Sanjaya. Wow, that was a really awkward open to the show. Wasn't it? They should have saved comment about the Virginia Tech tragedy until after the opening theme. It just didn't work.

Well, there you go. This proves I didn't know Martina McBride. I would have guessed that she's a blond. Then again, I guess that every woman is a blond. Always good to be optimistic, The Seer says!

Phil's leading off tonight. Haven't seen much from him in the past few weeks. Wow, who woulda thunk it? After all this, turns out Phil's a country singer! This is an excellent performance. The best he's sounded in about a month. He even looks better than he ever has. A great way to start off the show after last week's dreckfest.

Next up is Jordin, who really has to prove something to The Seer. So far, I think she's the most overrated person on the show this season, along with Chris Richardson and Randy. Just kiddin' dawg, I feel ya. Here's one more thing I feel: this performance. Gotta give the girl props. That was fantastic. Maybe I was wr... Um, I might have been wrrr... I was wrro... Okay, I might have not been exactly correct about her. That was her best performance of the year.

Here we go with the star of the show. Let's face it, watching Sanjaya has been one of the only good reasons to tune in this season. Love her or hate her, she's appointment viewing. Unfortunately, it's usually an appointment for a root canal. Sanjaya and country music? They should go together about as well as Don Imus and The Pointer Sisters. Has anyone else noticed that Sanjaya seems to have aged four years during this season? She's a foot taller than she was a few months ago and her voiced has changed. Is it just me, or did that backup singer Sanjaya moseyed on up to shoot her a look that said, "Dude, come any closer and I'm gonna stick this microphone stand through your pancreas!"? As far as the performance goes, it actually wasn't the worst I've seen. Not very good, but not totally dreadful.

It's time for LaKisha. This chick's been a real tough one to figure out this season. When she's really on, nobody can touch her. But that's only happened once or twice all season. This is a weird rendition of this song. The chorus didn't really have the impact it should have. I don't know if it was the arrangement or the key she sang the chorus in, but something was off. Another disappointing performance from LaKisha. I'm beginning to think that one amazing performance she gave two months ago was an aberration.

What's Chris got for us tonight? You know who he sounds like? Bucky, the hick from last year. TSW thinks he's versatile. Yeah, he's good at sucking at so many different genres. Is he horrible? No. Is he worthy of winning American Idol? Not even close. Compare him to Kelly, Ruben, Clay, Fantasia, Carrie, and even Taylor. He's not even close. I hope he gets VD. Okay, I don't really hopes he gets VD. A real bad case of laryngitis would be nice, though. Then maybe they'll bring Antonella back to take his place! By the way, Simon hit it right on the head. Chris's voice is tinny. That's his major problem. If this guy wins, I'll renounce my Seership.

Melinda's up next. No necklace tonight, but TSW says her neck looks better because her hair is long. Or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention, so to be honest I don't really know what she said. I've started tuning TSW out because everything she says these days is either about cheesecake or hot fudge. Melinda did a great job as usual tonight. She's clearly the only great singer in this competition. She's shone in every genre, and she even looks pretty good tonight. This is going to be one of those seasons like Season 1 where the winner - Melinda - crushes the runner up by a margin of 90% to 10%.

Blake's the anchorman tonight. I really like Blake. As I've said many times, we haven't seen anyone like him on this show. This performance isn't the greatest in Idol history. It's also not the best tonight. But it was good, and it had character. Even though he doesn't have the world's best voice, he always does something unique and memorable.

So who's in tomorrow's bottom three? This is the toughest week of the year to call. Okay, let's go with LaKisha, Phil and Chris, with Chris going home. Sorry, Chris fans. (And if Chris doesn't go home, it's probably because he teared up when talking about his friends at Virginia Tech.)

It's also time for The Seer to make his Final 3 prediction. I think Melinda, Blake and, yes, Sanjaya, will make the Final 3 this year. You heard it here first. There's always a surprise in the top three. Last year's shocker, for example, was Elliott over Chris.

So there you have it. Another rousing edition of The Seer's American Idol Blog. Happy to bring it to you. Now quit bothering me.

-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

The Final 8 - April 10, 2007

Hey there, Idol worshipers. How's it going out there in Seerland? Exciting night for Idol, with Jennifer Love Hewitt or whatever her name is on the show tonight. The Seer doesn't like JLo personally, but he sure does like her music. From 'Jenny From the Block' to 'I'm Real,' The Seer is a big fan and not afraid to say it.

I am, however, afraid to say that I didn't actually realize that I can post photos on this blog. Many thanks to The Seer's Little Helper (SLH) for pointing that out. Way to go, SLH! You've either just greatly enhanced the reading pleasure of Seer fans everywhere, or you've begun The Seer's inevitable slide into cyberoblivion. My money's on the latter, especially since I've decided to post photos of the three things that happen to be on my mind this very second:




In case you're wondering, the first photo is of C.C. Sabathia, the ace of The Seer's beloved Cleveland Indians' pitching staff. The second photo is of a Skyline Chili 3-way, The Seer's favorite food. Which brings me to the third photo. In case you don't recognize her, it's Charisma Carpernter, possibly the world's hottest woman. TSW was watching Charmed the other night, which I swear she does seven times a day. (I wish I was kidding about that. There's some network that literally shows it 21 hours every day.) And who turns up on the show but Charisma Carpenter. I asked TSW what character she was playing, and guess what? Her character is called The Seer! Now I don't know exactly what to make of this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that Charisma is head over heels in love with me. Right? RIGHT?!

On with the show...

Anybody notice Mickey Dolenz of The Monkees there? I love The Monkees. So here's the JLo intro. I wonder what she's really like. Some people say she's really nice, and others say she's a total bitch. We know one thing, this is one of the few guests who actually is making these kids go gaga. Go gaga? Go ga-ga, go ga-ga-ga is all I want to say to you...

Melinda's up first tonight, and she's right, she ain't sexy. She's the neckless wonder. Actually, she looks better tonight than usual. Good move with the necklace. She really does sound like Shirley Bassey. I don't think there's any question she's the most consistently good singer this season. Does she knock my socks off? No, but she's extremely talented and would be a worthy winner.

Paula's got that glazed over look in her eyes tonight, although it's difficult to see through those bangs.

They've really front-loaded tonight's show, with LaKisha following Melinda. The two favorites right off the bat. How short is she? She's way shorter than JLo. Isn't JLo short? I don't understand celebrity heights. At all. I've never liked this song. (Apparently, TSW agrees.) Something about it bothers me. This is just okay. It's actually kind of boring. LaKisha has to be careful or she's going to hand this competition over to the neckless wonder.

Chris is up next. He's doing "Smooth," one of the most overplayed songs of the last 20 years. What the hell key is he singing in? An awful beginning. Man, he started off poorly and hasn't gotten any better. This is a disastrous song choice for him. It just doesn't fit his voice at all. The second half was immeasurably better than the first, but it doesn't make up for the crappiness of the first half.


Here comes Haley, who's probably living on borrowed time at this point. What's with all the Gloria Estefan tonight? I hate Gloria Estefan. Oooh, more short shorts. I'm sure to hear from The Seer's Brother again. As TSW said, that candy apple lipstick is a little much. Am I the only one who thinks she looks like Linda Blair? Not a great performance, or even good, but I didn't think it was bad as Randy or TSW thought.


It's Phil's turn. JLo says you can't buy goose pimples. Poppycock. I bought some at Sears the other day for $14.99. But I had to return them because I found out they were actually swan pimples. Freakin' Sears. As for Phil's performance, TSW is saying something about how pale he is and why are there so many tanning salons in Southern California. Or something like that. Anyhoo, he was pretty good. In general, I like his voice.

Jordin's up. Another god damn Gloria Estefan song? Excuse me, isn't Jennifer Lopez the guest tonight? What the hell's going on here? I don't care if this was the greatest performance in Idol history, which it isn't. I would still give it a thumbs down. This sucked. This whole show sucks. What are they going to sing when they have Estefan on as a guest? Prince songs? By the way, this girl is the most overrated contestant on the show this year. She's just not that good.

Maybe Blake can rescue this train wreck. By the way, I'm sick of trying to keep track of who JLo's living with now. Ben, Mark, that first dude who nobody knew. The other dude nobody knew. Do you realize she's lived with 12 men in the last two years? Seems like it, anyway. What's wrong with these celebrities? I thought Blake was very good tonight. Light years ahead of anyone but Melinda.


Sanjaya is last tonight? Oy. What if she comes out and does a fantastic job? That would be interesting, wouldn't it? I've got to say, she actually sounds like a real singer tonight. This was an excellent song choice. Not spectacular, but clearly her best performance of the season. I can't believe I'm writing this, but I've got to say that was the third best performance of the night.

Okay, so what do we have tonight? Overall, a poor show. Not a single freakin' JLo song. What's up with that? Melinda's talent towered over everyone tonight, and she has taken a clear lead. Blake was good, Sanjaya was actually pretty good, and everyone else was mediocre at best. I think Haley, Phil and Jordin will be your bottom three, with Haley going home.

That'll do it for me. Oh, one more thing...















Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

The Final 9 - April 3, 2007

Good evening, Seer fans! The Seer here. (You probably figured that out already using the context clues.) What a night we have in store for us tonight, huh? I'm positively giddy with excitement over tonight's guest! Now if you'll just allow me to log on to americanidol.com to find out who tonight's guest actually is...What? Sylvester Stallone? Oh, wrong Web site. Okay, here we go. It's Tony Bennett. This should be kinda fun. Tony's got it going on. Smooth, hip, happening, groovy, peachy, sweet-ass. He's got it all.

I should mention that The Seer is not at full strength tonight. I woke up at 2 am this morning with a pain in my back that made it feel like a steel beam was being pushed through my kidney. Either I pulled a muscle or TSW was kicking me in her sleep. Oh well, you win some and you lose some. But nothing can keep The Seer from his appointed rounds. Except handcuffs, of course. I should also tell you that TSW hit the 34 week mark today, which is a huge milestone in the annals of pregnancy. No woman has ever been 34 weeks pregnant before. Huh? TSW informs me that's not exactly the case. That's okay, The Baby Seer will make up for TSW's inability to push the limits of human achievement. My guess is TBS will be reading by the time she's 3 months old, doing long division by her first birthday and curing cancer during snack time on her first day at kindergarten. But that will all pale in comparison to her most magnificent accomplishment, winning Wimbledon and American Idol 2029 on the same day.

On with the show...

Ryan says Tony Bennett has released "more than 106 albums." I guess he released one that was broken in half. Blake leads things off tonight singing Mack the Knife. What a great song. A little Bobby Darin for ya. His voice sounds pretty good, but he has absolutely no idea how to move during this song. Which, of course, is ironic, since Blake is known for his moves. Vocally, it was good, but he looked very awkward during the performance. It looked like he just wanted to bust out of his suit. Not his best.

KELLY CLARKSON'S GOING TO SING ON AMERICAN IDOL?!?!? This is gonna be the greatest moment in the history of television, and possibly in the history of the universe! It should get a 400 rating! Oh man, I can't wait. I love my Kelly. So glad she's buried the hatchet with the show that gave her her start.

Phil's still on this show? Well, what do you know? Phil's really going old school here. He's doing a kind of Sinatra thing. He ain't no Sinatra. He sounded very ordinary until the final note, which was very good. A nice finish but the rest was very, very boring. Paula agrees with me. She's right. He was trying to do Sinatra, but it just didn't work. I'm not being rude. Am I?

Here comes Melinda. No doubt she's a great singer, but if she wanted to go dressed as a little old lady on Halloween, she wouldn't even have to wear a costume. She looks like my grandmother right now. I'm fairly certain there's some kind of backstory with this woman that we haven't heard yet. Like she was a guinea pig in a military experiment that took an 82-year-old woman and turned her into a 25-year-old, but the experiment went horribly wrong when the de-aging machine accidentally misplaced her neck in the transformation. Anyway, she was great again tonight. She's always great. She's just so strange looking.

During this entire show, TSW has been going through a box of baby clothes sent to us by my cousin, The Seer's Cousin. This means that every eight seconds I'm hearing "Awwwwww," and it's quite distracting.

It's Chris' turn. Chris is going with the cool plaid fedora. As you know, I'm not a huge Chris fan, but he's doing a very nice job tonight. He's out-Blaking Blake. This might have been his best performance of the season. Very cool. I actually loved it. Plus, I'm thrilled that the other Chris is off the show. I was getting sick of having to type their last initials. That was time I just didn't have. I'm a very busy Seer, you know?

Jordin's up next. She's very good, but her voice just isn't quite as good as the top two girls' voices. This was good, not great, but probably good enough to get her through to next week since America seems to love her. She's only 17? Why was I not informed of this? By the way, Paula's having a lucid night. Looks like she's sans pharmaceutical accompaniment tonight.

Time for Gina to go to work. She keeps defying The Seer's prediction that she's in trouble. Good for her. You tell that nasty Seer, girl! Well, well, well. Now that was a performance I didn't expect. Up until now, Gina's been all rocker chick, but she showed a softer side tonight. And I thought she really nailed it. It wasn't perfect and I still think her voice is a bit weak and thin, but that's about as good a performance as I think you're going to see from Gina. She brought her 'A' game tonight. Plus, she looks very pretty tonight. TSW says she looks "horrible." Such a joy, TSW.

Oy vey. Sanjaya's up. And the beat goes on. In addtion to her annoying looks and moves, she happens to have a wonderfully mediocre voice. She's really the total package. This wasn't her worst performance, but who cares. I think it's finny how after every one of Sanjaya's songs, Randy starts laughing like Jabba the Hutt. I guess that makes Paula Princess Leia and Simon the little Muppet that's always attached to Jabba going, "He he he he he he!"

Well it's obvious that Haley's become the sexpot of the season. She's always wearing very sexy, short, plunging dresses, and, frankly, The Seer's happy about it. By the way, The Seer's Brother says Haley is the hottest Idol contestant ever. Then again, TSB also thinks a Ford Focus looks exactly like Volvo S40. This is a really fun performance from Haley. She's looks like she's having a ball, and her voice sounds better than ever. In fact, I think it might have been the best performance of the night, and I definitely wasn't expecting that. And she looks stunning. I really think the judges missed the boat on this.

Let's finish things up with LaKisha. A great song choice here. LaKisha has such a strong voice that she has the ability to blow the rest of these people, including Melinda, off the stage. This is one of those performances where she did exactly that. When she's on like she was tonight, she makes the rest look like amateurs.

Another good show tonight. Tony Bennett really did do a nice job. So who will be in the bottom three tomorrow? Tough call, but I'll go with Phil, Haley and Gina, with Phil going home.

That'll do it for tonight, kids. The Seer's off to take 17 industrial strength muscle relaxers.

-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

The Final 10 - March 27, 2007

Hi there, Idol fans. The Seer here, comin' at ya a little late tonight. Sorry about that. TSW and I had to go to Target for the 78th time this week as we continue to get ready for the arrival of The Baby Seer, who's due in about six weeks. Let me tell you, it's been a lot of work getting things ready for TBS. Fortunately, once she arrives, all the hard work will be over and we can just coast for the next 30 years. (You laugh, but keep in mind that I'm a seer, and that enables me to plan for every conceivable situation that will arise in TBS' life. Don't you want to be me?)

For those of you who don't work with The Seer, allow me to inform you that I am battling a cold. Well, it's not so much a cold as it is the most active runny nose in the history of upper respiratory infections. If mucous were edible (and, really, wouldn't that be sweet?) my cold would signal the end of hunger on planet Earth. I've used so much Kleenex today that if I jumped into a swimming pool I would absorb every drop of water within 15 seconds.

I know you could just go on reading about my bodily fluids for days, but we should probably get on with the show...

Let me start off by saying that this American Idol thing has become nearly impossible to predict, even for The Seer. One week this happens, the next week that happens. There's no rhyme or reason to it anymore. I don't know whether to scream or eat a banana.

Gwen Stefani is tonight's guest coach. This should be pretty good. Especially if she got a boob job. Seriously, though, I dig Gwen. She's very talented.

So is Ryan Seacrest trying to single-handedly revive the skinny tie craze? He's the only person in America who's wearing those things. Why didn't they introduce all the contestants at the top of the show? I like when they all parade out and do their little waves. Plus, they always come out in the order in which they sing on that particular show. Now I don't know what order they'll be in. (Right about now you're probably saying, 'But wait, you're a seer. You should already know what order they're going in.' What you haven't accounted for is that my TV screen is made of lead. [A little Superman humor there for ya!])

LaKisha's leading off tonight. She's doing Donna Summer. Didn't somebody do this song last week or a couple weeks ago? This is a good performance, but again, nothing incredible from a woman who should be incredible every week. Plus, she gets points deducted for singing a song that someone else sang earlier this season. Unless I'm wrong about that, in which case the world will explode. I've been a little disappointed with LaKisha the last few weeks.

Chris S. is up next, that crazy Bob Jones grad. I wonder if he prays every night that his hair will fall off. Oh no, he's doing a Police song, which is TSW's cue to walk out the door. TSW hates The Police, but ironically, she loves Sting. Don't ask. I definitely didn't marry her for her logic. Actually, I married her for her backscratches. And her Ethel Merman impression. Back to Chris. This is really boring. He's kind of a one-trick pony. He never does anything interesting. I want him dead. Just kidding. I only want him seriously injured.

Here comes Gina, who really has to thank her lucky stars that she's still around. Gina is a perfect example of how this show has become so unpredictable. Any other season, and she would be the first one voted off, guaranteed. You know, she's actually got a nice voice. Her problem is it's not very strong, and the kind of songs she sings call for a very strong voice. But she's definitely likable, and she did a nice job with a good song choice. Wow, Simon really gave her the love. Mmmmm...chalk and cheese.......

Here we go...it's Sanjaya time! I wonder how awful she'll be tonight. Basically, Gwen is saying she's going to be awful. Okay, this has officially crossed over into Twilight Zone territory. Chick's got a rooster on her head. It's pretty obvious she's trying to get kicked off the show. Sanjaya is definitely not my kind of girl.

It's Haley's turn. Cyndi Lauper songs have not been kind to Idol contestants over the years, so this is a risk. But if she's wearing short shorts again, who really cares, right? Well, it's not shorts, but the dress is really short. This isn't all that good, but Haley is really sexing things up lately, and for that she deserves to stay on the show for at least six more years.

At this point I'd like to point out that TSW and I have been watching 'American Idol Rewind,' and Kelly Clarkson was so great in Season 1 that they probably should have just ended the show after the first year. She's so much better than anyone they've ever had on this show, it's not even funny. Well, it's a little funny. Not "40 Year Old Virgin" funny. More like "Three's Company" funny.

I should tell you that I just took six doses of NyQuil, so if I start to become even more incoherent than I normally am, please call 911 and scream, "SEER DOWN! SEER DOWN!" into the phone.

Here comes Phil, another guy who should be thrilled to still be around. What's with the hat? Oh no, another Police song? TSW just hurled all over the bed. I think this a good song choice for him. I think this is the best performance of the night so far. Every once in a while, Phil does something you're not expecting. In fact, he was so good, he'll probably be gone tomorrow. Amazingly, I completely agree with Paula. Phil always shines on the choruses.

Melinda is doing a Donna Summer song, too. For those keeping score at home, that's Donna Summer 2, The Police 2, Some Chick with a Rooster on Her Head 1. I want to let everyone out in Seerland know that I'm forming a posse to go out and look for Melinda's neck. This woman can really sing. Could you imagine how great she would be if there was actually some space between her chest and her chin? Has anyone brought up the possibility that she's an alien? Don't humans have necks? Anyway, she's probably the best we have this year vocally. But she's not someone who's going to make me go out and buy an album the way, say, Scarlett Joahnnson would.

It's always fun when Blake comes around. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Blake's voice, and even his look, remind me of Sting. This might sound strange, but trust me, at some point one of the judges is going to make the Sting comparison and you'll shout at the TV, "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE SEER SAID!" This wasn't a great performance, and in fact in was a bit boring. But it wasn't awful, and Blake probably has enough juice to stick around.

Jordin's up. She's doing a No Doubt song. Seems a bit strange for her. Is she wearing a tablecloth from an Italian restaurant? That's one of the weirder outfits we've seen in a while. Sanjaya will probably wear it next week. This was a step back for Jordin, who had really been building momentum. This, boys and girls, is what a poor song choice can do for you. I totally disagree with the judges.

Does anyone else think that Paula's been a bit too normal the last couple weeks? Doesn't she know the public has come to expect a certain craziness from her? Has her Vicodin prescription run out? She should start dating House. He'd fix her up.

Chris R. is closing things out tonight. He was actually good last week. Can he keep it up? Here's his problem: His voice is just too weak. The chorus of this song calls for a singer to really go for the gusto, and Chris can't come close. Bad song choice. He could be in trouble. Ah, there's the Paula we know and love. I guess she took some time-release capsules.

All in all, a forgettable show. So, what's going to happen? I'm going to venture a bit outside the box here. Why not? This show's impossible to predict anyway. I'll say Chris Sligh, Haley and Jordin the bottom three, with Haley going home.

That'll do for tonight, people. I'm off to buy some Puffs with serious lotion.

-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

The Final 11 - March 20, 2007

Welcome back to The Seer's lair, Idol fans. The Almighty Seer didn't so well with his prediction last week. I had the bottom three pretty much nailed, but I said Gina would be sent packing rather than Brandon. You might wonder how this could happen, given my status as a seer and all. The only thing you need to know is that The Seer moves in mysterious ways. Just like the chick in the U2 song.

Tonight's theme is...I have no idea what tonight's theme is. I'm writing this at 7:52 pm so I can get a jump on things. So let's make up a theme. Tonight's theme is songs that you chew tobacco to. No, wait, it's songs that make you think of Sally Field. Oh, now I've got it: songs that have the word "toothbrush" in them. That would be sweet. If I were on that show, I'd sing the Motley Crue hit, "Toothbrush in the Boys Room." Or maybe "Rock Around the Toothbrush." Didn't Sally Field sing that in Smokey in the Bandit right before Burt Reynolds put a big wad o' chew in his cheek? Well, that's how I remember it.

Before we start the show, The Seer would like to send a shout out to The Seer's Little Helper, who has been instrumental in teaching me how to use Blogger and generally do everything else related to this blog. SLH is possibly the world's biggest reality TV fan. She even watches a show called "Celebrity Toliet Training" that airs on The Discovery Channel. Thanks, SLH, for everything you do.

On with the show...

Tonight's theme is actually the British Invasion. That's a new one. Generally speaking, I like the idea. I wonder, though, how these young whippersnappers will relate. But Lulu and Peter Noone were the best they could get? Where's Mick? Where's Ringo? Where's Roger Daltrey? TSW, where's my chocolate milk?

Haley's starting things off this week. I love those short shorts. If Antonella were wearing those shorts, I'd be dead right now. This song is an excellent choice for her. TSW thinks it's boring as (bleep), but I think she's adorable, and this is really working for me. It's definitely her best performance of the season. And she's showing her entire back. Her entire back, I tell you! Paula called her adorable, too. Yikes, I'm starting to agree with Paula? And Simon's right, she was rather, um, bouncy tonight. Nothing wrong with that, I say.

Oh boy, it's time for Chris R. Yay, I can't wait. I'm such a big fan. I must admit, he started the song off beautifully. I've never heard him sound so good. The rest of the song hasn't been quite as good, but he's doing a nice job. Overall, this was a nice performance. Not perfect, but very good. He showed a side that he hasn't shown yet, and his vocals finally sounded like something other than a shrieking dog. Let this be a lesson to everyone: The Seer is all about honesty and fairness. When someone's good, I'll say it. Except with Sanjaya. She sucks.

Did Fox just go to black in a break during the #1 show on television? I wonder if that was a network spot. If so, 30 people are gonna lose their jobs because Fox just lost about a million bucks in ad revenue.

Here's Stephanie. This is one of the great songs of all-time, and should be a fantastic choice for her. I'm expecting big things here. Well, I wish she had been equal to the task. Ultimately, the song ended up being too big for her. In the hands of a better singer, that could have been an Idolmaker. Imagine Kelly Clarkson singing that song. It would have been gold. As it was, it just served to prove why Stephanie is a cut below the best.

By the way, did Paula forget her makeup tonight? She looks awful. Not oh-my-god-she's-huffing-sterno-fumes-again awful, but awful in a way that says she just doesn't care anymore.

Wait a second, this is a two hour show? What the hell are they gonna do for two hours tonight? I can't sit here for that long. SLH, get my agent on the phone. I can't work like this.

It's Blake's turn. Another seemingly good song choice. What's going on here? Did the contestants finally grow brains? I miss Antonella's brains. 95% of this was great. He can't quite get to those notes in the upper register, but it really doesn't matter. Finally, we have a contestant on this show who is totally original. There's never been anyone like him before. This kid doesn't need to win this competition. Much like Chris Daughtry last year, Blake will be the biggest star this season produces by far. He's got superstardom written all over him. If I could buy stock in any entertainer right now, he would be at the top of my list.

You know, people make fun of Ryan Seacrest, but you've got to give the guy credit. This show wouldn't be the same without him. Speaking of making fun of people, have I mentioned how TSW is Madison Avenue's dream come true? The woman never looks at the television until a commercial comes on. As soon as a commercial break starts, she perks up like a dog that's just heard a car pull into the driveway.

Here comes LaKisha. She thought about going with "Diamonds Are Forever," which would have been a great choice. Oh, she is going with it. Another excellent choice. One of the great James Bond songs. Maybe the best. Here's some Bond trivia for you: Shirley Bassey is the only person to sing more than one Bond song. She actually sang three: the legendary "Goldfinger," "Diamonds Are Forever" and the forgettable "Moonraker." Don't say I never taught you nothin'! Speaking of James Bond, The Seer is very excited because Casino Royale just arrived in his mailbox via Netflix. He can't wait to get reacquainted with his man-crush, Daniel Craig. (The Seer finds Craig's animal magnetism and rugged British charm irresistible.) So how did LaKisha do? Very well. She's no Shirley Bassey, but nobody is. She actually sounded a lot like Shirley. Not quite as rich, but very, very good. Still, LaKisha hasn't been able to touch her amazing performance of a few weeks ago.

Let's see what Phil does. He's going down Tobacco Road. TSW's asking what's all over his shirt. That's a good question. Is it sweat? He's only been out there for five seconds. Who is he, Albert Brooks? Looks like he's sweating grease. Phil's doing a nice job, though. This reminds me of a song Taylor Hicks would have done, but I like Phil better. (Never was a Taylor fan.) I'm not sure how long Phil's going to last, but he seems like a really good guy.

What's going on here? We're only 60 minutes into this show, and we've only heard six singers? Feels like I've been sitting here for six days. Have the Idol producers figured out how to manipulate the space-time continuum?

Time to see what Jordin can do. She was excellent last week. She's doing a Shirley Bassey song, too. This must be TSW's favorite show of all-time. She's a huge Shirley Bassey fan. First of all, let me say that Jordin is a beautiful girl. At first, this performance reminded me of Stephanie's tonight. The song sounded too big for her initially, but as Randy would say, she really worked it out, dog. She got better as the song went on. Very tough choice and a very good performance. Jordin is the one contestant who seems to be getting better as the show goes on. She has to be considered a real threat to win this thing.

At this point, I'd like to point out that this has been one of the best shows of the season. Nearly everybody has stepped up to the plate tonight, a rarity at this stage in the game. And just as I write that, Sanjaya steps into the fray. Nothing like her to ruin a good thing. Let's see if Howard Stern's favorite makes a fool of herself again. Sanjaya doing The Kinks? So many jokes, so little space. They just showed a girl bawling her eyes out. "Mommy, why is that woman shrieking on stage like that?!?!" This is getting a little ridiculous. It's getting a lot ridiculous. She needs to go. Her sister's hot, though.

Gina's doing the Stones tonight. This genre should be up her alley. She's going with "Paint It Black." This is one of those songs The Seer sings as he walks around the house. I liked it. It was kind of like Joan Jett doing the Stones. She made the song her own, and even though she missed a few notes, I enjoyed it. I still think she could be in trouble, though.

Chris S. is the penultimate performer tonight. That was interesting. He came out of the crowd like a whale coming out of the surf. Has anyone ever done that before on this show? He sounds great. This song is right in is wheelhouse. He's back on track with his song choices. A hundred times better than last week.

We finish up with Melinda tonight. I don't think a song from Oliver! really counts as a British Invasion song, does it? Even though she's a great singer, I've got to say that Melinda is a weird looking babe. I can't tell if she looks 60 years old or 12 years old. This was actually pretty boring for me. Technically, she sang it beautifully, but it really didn't fit the genre.

All in all, this was an excellent show. Definitely the best of the season and one of the better shows in Idol history. It's difficult to predict a bottom three, especially with all the people out there campaigning for Sanjaya. I'm going to call Haley, Phil and Gina in the bottom three, with Phil going home.

See ya next week (even though I can see you right now - remember, I am a Seer),
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

The Final 12 - March 13, 2007

Good evening, Idol fans. The Seer here, ready to kick off the Final 12 in grand style. I bet you're all wondering how I took last week's shocking elimination of both Antonella and Sabrina, The Seer's two favorite Idol hotties. The answer is...not well. I'm still going through a little withdrawal. In fact, I've taped a full-body photo of Antonella to my TV screen. Which photo is it? Well, there were so many to choose from, but I went with the one of her on the toilet, which is where I think this season is headed without any hotties. I mean, c'mon, with those two gone, Sanjaya is easily the hottest chick left on the show. Problem is he's got no rack. Oh well, nobody's perfect.

On with the show...

So it's Diana Ross night, huh? What, Martha and the Vandellas were busy? I kid, I kid. Diana's a great guest, a great guest...for me to poop on! (Sorry, I just feel like channeling Triumph tonight.) Brandon's leading off tonight. Man, he sounds lousy. Just awful. What a horrible way to start the show. He's squeaking, he's forgetting his words. And those were the highlights. This guy didn't belong in the Final 12. He's a backup singer for a reason. They cut Sabrina for this? Ridiculous.

Melinda's next. She'll get things going. So they're letting viewers ask questions this season? Here's a question: WHERE THE HELL'S ANTONELLA? Now here's a backup singer who belongs at the front of the stage. I actually think the song was a bit boring, but it doesn't really matter. Her voice is one of the two best in the competition. She's in this for the long haul. Why is Paula crying? Did somebody steal her Valium?

Here comes Chris Sligh, who's going without glasses tonight. Endless Love is a risk, but he's made it sound like a Coldplay song. In fact, it's a Coldplay sample. First of all, he looks weird without the glasses. He looks, how can I put this, like a woman. Hey, that's Sanjaya's gig! I found this to be a very strange choice, which is strange from a guy who usually makes good choices. You should never take a famous song and turn it into something completely different. What's the point? Nobody wants to hear Endless Love as Coldpay would sing it. We want to hear it how Lionel RIchie sang it and see if you're equal to the task. This was a gamble that didn't pay off.

I just realized I haven't mentioned TSW yet tonight. Don't worry, she's here. She's just being quiet tonight. Aw, what a cute, quiet, little TSW. Aren't you precious? Goo goo, googly goo... OW! Why did you just smack me in the face? OK, I'll stop with the baby talk. Here's Gina, singing Love Child. Seems like a decent song choice. I never know what to think of her. I don't think she's getting any help from the band, whose arrangement feels a little thin. Gina sounds okay. Not bad. Not great. Kind of forgettable, actually.

Oh no. It's time for Sanjaya. God she's annoying. And she went with the Justin Guarini haircut tonight. Wait, it's not so much Guarini as it is Jennifer Grey from the Dirty Dancing days. You go, girl! This is actually Sanjaya's best performance of the season, which is a bit like saying Boise is the best city in Idaho.

Haley's up now. She's a cutie. I hope she does well. As cute as she is, her whole look and sound make her come across like a poor-man's Katharine McPhee. A very poor man's Katharine McPhee. I mean, we're talking like a homeless dude's Katharine McPhee here. She really doesn't deserve to be in the Final 12, either, and this performance could mean she won't make the FInal 11. Wait a second, she really pulled herself back up with her post-song interview. She was hilarious with her facial expressions, and she actually used the word "schmuck" on the air, an Idol first. That's gotta be worth something. I think Haley just won a lot of votes and bought herself another week with the greatest post-song chat in Idol history.

It's Phil's turn. He needs a big showing tonight. Phil is a really interesting contestant. He's capable of reaching great highs, but only if he picks the right songs. This was a good choice tonight. This was a good night for him. He's still a bit weird looking, but there's something likable and sincere about him. TSW says she just figured out that Phil sounds like Jon Secada, and therefore she's done with him.

LaKisha's up next. Now if anyone should be able to nail Diana Ross, it's LaKisha. I've got to say, even though I think she was nearly pitch-perfect, I didn't really like the song. I thought there was something missing to that performance. The judges disagree, but the judges aren't seers, now, are they?

It's Blake time, ya'll. He's gonna update You Keep Me Hanging On. Let's see if he does what Chris couldn't. Well, it was better than Chris' remake tonight, but it wasn't great. Blake's voice is a little weak and it showed tonight, but he's always entertaining. The boy can move, and as I've said many times, he's ultra-talented. I think he was hampered somewhat by having to do a Diana Ross song, but he should survive to next week.

Time for Stephanie. She's good, but she's probably a slight cut below the top two. She kind of reminds me of LaToya London in that she's technically good but she just doesn't have that wow factor. I think she needs to pick up the tempo next week if she's still around.

Okay, it's time for Chris Richardson. There's no love lost between Chris and The Seer. Frankly, he's done nothing but annoy me so far. I'm sorry, I just don't get him. He sounds weird. He moves weird. He makes weird faces. Frankly, he sounds like a dying schnauzer. I don't get it. Thank you, Simon, for finally validating what The Seer has said all along.

Jordin's the anchor babe tonight. TSW is calling it horrible. It doesn't sound that bad to me. It's one of the better performances in a night of mediocrity. Diana Ross is the best-selling female artist in the history of music, and I don't think the contestants could have picked 12 worse songs if they tried. Where were I'm Coming Out, Baby Love, Upside Down, Where Did Our Love Go, and Stop! In the Name of Love? Song choice, people. Pay attention to it. It can make you a star.

I think Brandon and Sanjaya each deserve to go home, with Gina right behind them. But I think the bottom three will be Brandon, Gina and Haley, with Gina going home.

Blog at ya next week,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer








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