Hi there, Idol fans. The Seer here, comin' at ya a little late tonight. Sorry about that. TSW and I had to go to Target for the 78th time this week as we continue to get ready for the arrival of The Baby Seer, who's due in about six weeks. Let me tell you, it's been a lot of work getting things ready for TBS. Fortunately, once she arrives, all the hard work will be over and we can just coast for the next 30 years. (You laugh, but keep in mind that I'm a seer, and that enables me to plan for every conceivable situation that will arise in TBS' life. Don't you want to be me?)
For those of you who don't work with The Seer, allow me to inform you that I am battling a cold. Well, it's not so much a cold as it is the most active runny nose in the history of upper respiratory infections. If mucous were edible (and, really, wouldn't that be sweet?) my cold would signal the end of hunger on planet Earth. I've used so much Kleenex today that if I jumped into a swimming pool I would absorb every drop of water within 15 seconds.
I know you could just go on reading about my bodily fluids for days, but we should probably get on with the show...
Let me start off by saying that this American Idol thing has become nearly impossible to predict, even for The Seer. One week this happens, the next week that happens. There's no rhyme or reason to it anymore. I don't know whether to scream or eat a banana.
Gwen Stefani is tonight's guest coach. This should be pretty good. Especially if she got a boob job. Seriously, though, I dig Gwen. She's very talented.
So is Ryan Seacrest trying to single-handedly revive the skinny tie craze? He's the only person in America who's wearing those things. Why didn't they introduce all the contestants at the top of the show? I like when they all parade out and do their little waves. Plus, they always come out in the order in which they sing on that particular show. Now I don't know what order they'll be in. (Right about now you're probably saying, 'But wait, you're a seer. You should already know what order they're going in.' What you haven't accounted for is that my TV screen is made of lead. [A little Superman humor there for ya!])
LaKisha's leading off tonight. She's doing Donna Summer. Didn't somebody do this song last week or a couple weeks ago? This is a good performance, but again, nothing incredible from a woman who should be incredible every week. Plus, she gets points deducted for singing a song that someone else sang earlier this season. Unless I'm wrong about that, in which case the world will explode. I've been a little disappointed with LaKisha the last few weeks.
Chris S. is up next, that crazy Bob Jones grad. I wonder if he prays every night that his hair will fall off. Oh no, he's doing a Police song, which is TSW's cue to walk out the door. TSW hates The Police, but ironically, she loves Sting. Don't ask. I definitely didn't marry her for her logic. Actually, I married her for her backscratches. And her Ethel Merman impression. Back to Chris. This is really boring. He's kind of a one-trick pony. He never does anything interesting. I want him dead. Just kidding. I only want him seriously injured.
Here comes Gina, who really has to thank her lucky stars that she's still around. Gina is a perfect example of how this show has become so unpredictable. Any other season, and she would be the first one voted off, guaranteed. You know, she's actually got a nice voice. Her problem is it's not very strong, and the kind of songs she sings call for a very strong voice. But she's definitely likable, and she did a nice job with a good song choice. Wow, Simon really gave her the love. Mmmmm...chalk and cheese.......
Here we go...it's Sanjaya time! I wonder how awful she'll be tonight. Basically, Gwen is saying she's going to be awful. Okay, this has officially crossed over into Twilight Zone territory. Chick's got a rooster on her head. It's pretty obvious she's trying to get kicked off the show. Sanjaya is definitely not my kind of girl.
It's Haley's turn. Cyndi Lauper songs have not been kind to Idol contestants over the years, so this is a risk. But if she's wearing short shorts again, who really cares, right? Well, it's not shorts, but the dress is really short. This isn't all that good, but Haley is really sexing things up lately, and for that she deserves to stay on the show for at least six more years.
At this point I'd like to point out that TSW and I have been watching 'American Idol Rewind,' and Kelly Clarkson was so great in Season 1 that they probably should have just ended the show after the first year. She's so much better than anyone they've ever had on this show, it's not even funny. Well, it's a little funny. Not "40 Year Old Virgin" funny. More like "Three's Company" funny.
I should tell you that I just took six doses of NyQuil, so if I start to become even more incoherent than I normally am, please call 911 and scream, "SEER DOWN! SEER DOWN!" into the phone.
Here comes Phil, another guy who should be thrilled to still be around. What's with the hat? Oh no, another Police song? TSW just hurled all over the bed. I think this a good song choice for him. I think this is the best performance of the night so far. Every once in a while, Phil does something you're not expecting. In fact, he was so good, he'll probably be gone tomorrow. Amazingly, I completely agree with Paula. Phil always shines on the choruses.
Melinda is doing a Donna Summer song, too. For those keeping score at home, that's Donna Summer 2, The Police 2, Some Chick with a Rooster on Her Head 1. I want to let everyone out in Seerland know that I'm forming a posse to go out and look for Melinda's neck. This woman can really sing. Could you imagine how great she would be if there was actually some space between her chest and her chin? Has anyone brought up the possibility that she's an alien? Don't humans have necks? Anyway, she's probably the best we have this year vocally. But she's not someone who's going to make me go out and buy an album the way, say, Scarlett Joahnnson would.
It's always fun when Blake comes around. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Blake's voice, and even his look, remind me of Sting. This might sound strange, but trust me, at some point one of the judges is going to make the Sting comparison and you'll shout at the TV, "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE SEER SAID!" This wasn't a great performance, and in fact in was a bit boring. But it wasn't awful, and Blake probably has enough juice to stick around.
Jordin's up. She's doing a No Doubt song. Seems a bit strange for her. Is she wearing a tablecloth from an Italian restaurant? That's one of the weirder outfits we've seen in a while. Sanjaya will probably wear it next week. This was a step back for Jordin, who had really been building momentum. This, boys and girls, is what a poor song choice can do for you. I totally disagree with the judges.
Does anyone else think that Paula's been a bit too normal the last couple weeks? Doesn't she know the public has come to expect a certain craziness from her? Has her Vicodin prescription run out? She should start dating House. He'd fix her up.
Chris R. is closing things out tonight. He was actually good last week. Can he keep it up? Here's his problem: His voice is just too weak. The chorus of this song calls for a singer to really go for the gusto, and Chris can't come close. Bad song choice. He could be in trouble. Ah, there's the Paula we know and love. I guess she took some time-release capsules.
All in all, a forgettable show. So, what's going to happen? I'm going to venture a bit outside the box here. Why not? This show's impossible to predict anyway. I'll say Chris Sligh, Haley and Jordin the bottom three, with Haley going home.
That'll do for tonight, people. I'm off to buy some Puffs with serious lotion.
-Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The Final 11 - March 20, 2007
Welcome back to The Seer's lair, Idol fans. The Almighty Seer didn't so well with his prediction last week. I had the bottom three pretty much nailed, but I said Gina would be sent packing rather than Brandon. You might wonder how this could happen, given my status as a seer and all. The only thing you need to know is that The Seer moves in mysterious ways. Just like the chick in the U2 song.
Tonight's theme is...I have no idea what tonight's theme is. I'm writing this at 7:52 pm so I can get a jump on things. So let's make up a theme. Tonight's theme is songs that you chew tobacco to. No, wait, it's songs that make you think of Sally Field. Oh, now I've got it: songs that have the word "toothbrush" in them. That would be sweet. If I were on that show, I'd sing the Motley Crue hit, "Toothbrush in the Boys Room." Or maybe "Rock Around the Toothbrush." Didn't Sally Field sing that in Smokey in the Bandit right before Burt Reynolds put a big wad o' chew in his cheek? Well, that's how I remember it.
Before we start the show, The Seer would like to send a shout out to The Seer's Little Helper, who has been instrumental in teaching me how to use Blogger and generally do everything else related to this blog. SLH is possibly the world's biggest reality TV fan. She even watches a show called "Celebrity Toliet Training" that airs on The Discovery Channel. Thanks, SLH, for everything you do.
On with the show...
Tonight's theme is actually the British Invasion. That's a new one. Generally speaking, I like the idea. I wonder, though, how these young whippersnappers will relate. But Lulu and Peter Noone were the best they could get? Where's Mick? Where's Ringo? Where's Roger Daltrey? TSW, where's my chocolate milk?
Haley's starting things off this week. I love those short shorts. If Antonella were wearing those shorts, I'd be dead right now. This song is an excellent choice for her. TSW thinks it's boring as (bleep), but I think she's adorable, and this is really working for me. It's definitely her best performance of the season. And she's showing her entire back. Her entire back, I tell you! Paula called her adorable, too. Yikes, I'm starting to agree with Paula? And Simon's right, she was rather, um, bouncy tonight. Nothing wrong with that, I say.
Oh boy, it's time for Chris R. Yay, I can't wait. I'm such a big fan. I must admit, he started the song off beautifully. I've never heard him sound so good. The rest of the song hasn't been quite as good, but he's doing a nice job. Overall, this was a nice performance. Not perfect, but very good. He showed a side that he hasn't shown yet, and his vocals finally sounded like something other than a shrieking dog. Let this be a lesson to everyone: The Seer is all about honesty and fairness. When someone's good, I'll say it. Except with Sanjaya. She sucks.
Did Fox just go to black in a break during the #1 show on television? I wonder if that was a network spot. If so, 30 people are gonna lose their jobs because Fox just lost about a million bucks in ad revenue.
Here's Stephanie. This is one of the great songs of all-time, and should be a fantastic choice for her. I'm expecting big things here. Well, I wish she had been equal to the task. Ultimately, the song ended up being too big for her. In the hands of a better singer, that could have been an Idolmaker. Imagine Kelly Clarkson singing that song. It would have been gold. As it was, it just served to prove why Stephanie is a cut below the best.
By the way, did Paula forget her makeup tonight? She looks awful. Not oh-my-god-she's-huffing-sterno-fumes-again awful, but awful in a way that says she just doesn't care anymore.
Wait a second, this is a two hour show? What the hell are they gonna do for two hours tonight? I can't sit here for that long. SLH, get my agent on the phone. I can't work like this.
It's Blake's turn. Another seemingly good song choice. What's going on here? Did the contestants finally grow brains? I miss Antonella's brains. 95% of this was great. He can't quite get to those notes in the upper register, but it really doesn't matter. Finally, we have a contestant on this show who is totally original. There's never been anyone like him before. This kid doesn't need to win this competition. Much like Chris Daughtry last year, Blake will be the biggest star this season produces by far. He's got superstardom written all over him. If I could buy stock in any entertainer right now, he would be at the top of my list.
You know, people make fun of Ryan Seacrest, but you've got to give the guy credit. This show wouldn't be the same without him. Speaking of making fun of people, have I mentioned how TSW is Madison Avenue's dream come true? The woman never looks at the television until a commercial comes on. As soon as a commercial break starts, she perks up like a dog that's just heard a car pull into the driveway.
Here comes LaKisha. She thought about going with "Diamonds Are Forever," which would have been a great choice. Oh, she is going with it. Another excellent choice. One of the great James Bond songs. Maybe the best. Here's some Bond trivia for you: Shirley Bassey is the only person to sing more than one Bond song. She actually sang three: the legendary "Goldfinger," "Diamonds Are Forever" and the forgettable "Moonraker." Don't say I never taught you nothin'! Speaking of James Bond, The Seer is very excited because Casino Royale just arrived in his mailbox via Netflix. He can't wait to get reacquainted with his man-crush, Daniel Craig. (The Seer finds Craig's animal magnetism and rugged British charm irresistible.) So how did LaKisha do? Very well. She's no Shirley Bassey, but nobody is. She actually sounded a lot like Shirley. Not quite as rich, but very, very good. Still, LaKisha hasn't been able to touch her amazing performance of a few weeks ago.
Let's see what Phil does. He's going down Tobacco Road. TSW's asking what's all over his shirt. That's a good question. Is it sweat? He's only been out there for five seconds. Who is he, Albert Brooks? Looks like he's sweating grease. Phil's doing a nice job, though. This reminds me of a song Taylor Hicks would have done, but I like Phil better. (Never was a Taylor fan.) I'm not sure how long Phil's going to last, but he seems like a really good guy.
What's going on here? We're only 60 minutes into this show, and we've only heard six singers? Feels like I've been sitting here for six days. Have the Idol producers figured out how to manipulate the space-time continuum?
Time to see what Jordin can do. She was excellent last week. She's doing a Shirley Bassey song, too. This must be TSW's favorite show of all-time. She's a huge Shirley Bassey fan. First of all, let me say that Jordin is a beautiful girl. At first, this performance reminded me of Stephanie's tonight. The song sounded too big for her initially, but as Randy would say, she really worked it out, dog. She got better as the song went on. Very tough choice and a very good performance. Jordin is the one contestant who seems to be getting better as the show goes on. She has to be considered a real threat to win this thing.
At this point, I'd like to point out that this has been one of the best shows of the season. Nearly everybody has stepped up to the plate tonight, a rarity at this stage in the game. And just as I write that, Sanjaya steps into the fray. Nothing like her to ruin a good thing. Let's see if Howard Stern's favorite makes a fool of herself again. Sanjaya doing The Kinks? So many jokes, so little space. They just showed a girl bawling her eyes out. "Mommy, why is that woman shrieking on stage like that?!?!" This is getting a little ridiculous. It's getting a lot ridiculous. She needs to go. Her sister's hot, though.
Gina's doing the Stones tonight. This genre should be up her alley. She's going with "Paint It Black." This is one of those songs The Seer sings as he walks around the house. I liked it. It was kind of like Joan Jett doing the Stones. She made the song her own, and even though she missed a few notes, I enjoyed it. I still think she could be in trouble, though.
Chris S. is the penultimate performer tonight. That was interesting. He came out of the crowd like a whale coming out of the surf. Has anyone ever done that before on this show? He sounds great. This song is right in is wheelhouse. He's back on track with his song choices. A hundred times better than last week.
We finish up with Melinda tonight. I don't think a song from Oliver! really counts as a British Invasion song, does it? Even though she's a great singer, I've got to say that Melinda is a weird looking babe. I can't tell if she looks 60 years old or 12 years old. This was actually pretty boring for me. Technically, she sang it beautifully, but it really didn't fit the genre.
All in all, this was an excellent show. Definitely the best of the season and one of the better shows in Idol history. It's difficult to predict a bottom three, especially with all the people out there campaigning for Sanjaya. I'm going to call Haley, Phil and Gina in the bottom three, with Phil going home.
See ya next week (even though I can see you right now - remember, I am a Seer),
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Tonight's theme is...I have no idea what tonight's theme is. I'm writing this at 7:52 pm so I can get a jump on things. So let's make up a theme. Tonight's theme is songs that you chew tobacco to. No, wait, it's songs that make you think of Sally Field. Oh, now I've got it: songs that have the word "toothbrush" in them. That would be sweet. If I were on that show, I'd sing the Motley Crue hit, "Toothbrush in the Boys Room." Or maybe "Rock Around the Toothbrush." Didn't Sally Field sing that in Smokey in the Bandit right before Burt Reynolds put a big wad o' chew in his cheek? Well, that's how I remember it.
Before we start the show, The Seer would like to send a shout out to The Seer's Little Helper, who has been instrumental in teaching me how to use Blogger and generally do everything else related to this blog. SLH is possibly the world's biggest reality TV fan. She even watches a show called "Celebrity Toliet Training" that airs on The Discovery Channel. Thanks, SLH, for everything you do.
On with the show...
Tonight's theme is actually the British Invasion. That's a new one. Generally speaking, I like the idea. I wonder, though, how these young whippersnappers will relate. But Lulu and Peter Noone were the best they could get? Where's Mick? Where's Ringo? Where's Roger Daltrey? TSW, where's my chocolate milk?
Haley's starting things off this week. I love those short shorts. If Antonella were wearing those shorts, I'd be dead right now. This song is an excellent choice for her. TSW thinks it's boring as (bleep), but I think she's adorable, and this is really working for me. It's definitely her best performance of the season. And she's showing her entire back. Her entire back, I tell you! Paula called her adorable, too. Yikes, I'm starting to agree with Paula? And Simon's right, she was rather, um, bouncy tonight. Nothing wrong with that, I say.
Oh boy, it's time for Chris R. Yay, I can't wait. I'm such a big fan. I must admit, he started the song off beautifully. I've never heard him sound so good. The rest of the song hasn't been quite as good, but he's doing a nice job. Overall, this was a nice performance. Not perfect, but very good. He showed a side that he hasn't shown yet, and his vocals finally sounded like something other than a shrieking dog. Let this be a lesson to everyone: The Seer is all about honesty and fairness. When someone's good, I'll say it. Except with Sanjaya. She sucks.
Did Fox just go to black in a break during the #1 show on television? I wonder if that was a network spot. If so, 30 people are gonna lose their jobs because Fox just lost about a million bucks in ad revenue.
Here's Stephanie. This is one of the great songs of all-time, and should be a fantastic choice for her. I'm expecting big things here. Well, I wish she had been equal to the task. Ultimately, the song ended up being too big for her. In the hands of a better singer, that could have been an Idolmaker. Imagine Kelly Clarkson singing that song. It would have been gold. As it was, it just served to prove why Stephanie is a cut below the best.
By the way, did Paula forget her makeup tonight? She looks awful. Not oh-my-god-she's-huffing-sterno-fumes-again awful, but awful in a way that says she just doesn't care anymore.
Wait a second, this is a two hour show? What the hell are they gonna do for two hours tonight? I can't sit here for that long. SLH, get my agent on the phone. I can't work like this.
It's Blake's turn. Another seemingly good song choice. What's going on here? Did the contestants finally grow brains? I miss Antonella's brains. 95% of this was great. He can't quite get to those notes in the upper register, but it really doesn't matter. Finally, we have a contestant on this show who is totally original. There's never been anyone like him before. This kid doesn't need to win this competition. Much like Chris Daughtry last year, Blake will be the biggest star this season produces by far. He's got superstardom written all over him. If I could buy stock in any entertainer right now, he would be at the top of my list.
You know, people make fun of Ryan Seacrest, but you've got to give the guy credit. This show wouldn't be the same without him. Speaking of making fun of people, have I mentioned how TSW is Madison Avenue's dream come true? The woman never looks at the television until a commercial comes on. As soon as a commercial break starts, she perks up like a dog that's just heard a car pull into the driveway.
Here comes LaKisha. She thought about going with "Diamonds Are Forever," which would have been a great choice. Oh, she is going with it. Another excellent choice. One of the great James Bond songs. Maybe the best. Here's some Bond trivia for you: Shirley Bassey is the only person to sing more than one Bond song. She actually sang three: the legendary "Goldfinger," "Diamonds Are Forever" and the forgettable "Moonraker." Don't say I never taught you nothin'! Speaking of James Bond, The Seer is very excited because Casino Royale just arrived in his mailbox via Netflix. He can't wait to get reacquainted with his man-crush, Daniel Craig. (The Seer finds Craig's animal magnetism and rugged British charm irresistible.) So how did LaKisha do? Very well. She's no Shirley Bassey, but nobody is. She actually sounded a lot like Shirley. Not quite as rich, but very, very good. Still, LaKisha hasn't been able to touch her amazing performance of a few weeks ago.
Let's see what Phil does. He's going down Tobacco Road. TSW's asking what's all over his shirt. That's a good question. Is it sweat? He's only been out there for five seconds. Who is he, Albert Brooks? Looks like he's sweating grease. Phil's doing a nice job, though. This reminds me of a song Taylor Hicks would have done, but I like Phil better. (Never was a Taylor fan.) I'm not sure how long Phil's going to last, but he seems like a really good guy.
What's going on here? We're only 60 minutes into this show, and we've only heard six singers? Feels like I've been sitting here for six days. Have the Idol producers figured out how to manipulate the space-time continuum?
Time to see what Jordin can do. She was excellent last week. She's doing a Shirley Bassey song, too. This must be TSW's favorite show of all-time. She's a huge Shirley Bassey fan. First of all, let me say that Jordin is a beautiful girl. At first, this performance reminded me of Stephanie's tonight. The song sounded too big for her initially, but as Randy would say, she really worked it out, dog. She got better as the song went on. Very tough choice and a very good performance. Jordin is the one contestant who seems to be getting better as the show goes on. She has to be considered a real threat to win this thing.
At this point, I'd like to point out that this has been one of the best shows of the season. Nearly everybody has stepped up to the plate tonight, a rarity at this stage in the game. And just as I write that, Sanjaya steps into the fray. Nothing like her to ruin a good thing. Let's see if Howard Stern's favorite makes a fool of herself again. Sanjaya doing The Kinks? So many jokes, so little space. They just showed a girl bawling her eyes out. "Mommy, why is that woman shrieking on stage like that?!?!" This is getting a little ridiculous. It's getting a lot ridiculous. She needs to go. Her sister's hot, though.
Gina's doing the Stones tonight. This genre should be up her alley. She's going with "Paint It Black." This is one of those songs The Seer sings as he walks around the house. I liked it. It was kind of like Joan Jett doing the Stones. She made the song her own, and even though she missed a few notes, I enjoyed it. I still think she could be in trouble, though.
Chris S. is the penultimate performer tonight. That was interesting. He came out of the crowd like a whale coming out of the surf. Has anyone ever done that before on this show? He sounds great. This song is right in is wheelhouse. He's back on track with his song choices. A hundred times better than last week.
We finish up with Melinda tonight. I don't think a song from Oliver! really counts as a British Invasion song, does it? Even though she's a great singer, I've got to say that Melinda is a weird looking babe. I can't tell if she looks 60 years old or 12 years old. This was actually pretty boring for me. Technically, she sang it beautifully, but it really didn't fit the genre.
All in all, this was an excellent show. Definitely the best of the season and one of the better shows in Idol history. It's difficult to predict a bottom three, especially with all the people out there campaigning for Sanjaya. I'm going to call Haley, Phil and Gina in the bottom three, with Phil going home.
See ya next week (even though I can see you right now - remember, I am a Seer),
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
The Final 12 - March 13, 2007
Good evening, Idol fans. The Seer here, ready to kick off the Final 12 in grand style. I bet you're all wondering how I took last week's shocking elimination of both Antonella and Sabrina, The Seer's two favorite Idol hotties. The answer is...not well. I'm still going through a little withdrawal. In fact, I've taped a full-body photo of Antonella to my TV screen. Which photo is it? Well, there were so many to choose from, but I went with the one of her on the toilet, which is where I think this season is headed without any hotties. I mean, c'mon, with those two gone, Sanjaya is easily the hottest chick left on the show. Problem is he's got no rack. Oh well, nobody's perfect.
On with the show...
So it's Diana Ross night, huh? What, Martha and the Vandellas were busy? I kid, I kid. Diana's a great guest, a great guest...for me to poop on! (Sorry, I just feel like channeling Triumph tonight.) Brandon's leading off tonight. Man, he sounds lousy. Just awful. What a horrible way to start the show. He's squeaking, he's forgetting his words. And those were the highlights. This guy didn't belong in the Final 12. He's a backup singer for a reason. They cut Sabrina for this? Ridiculous.
Melinda's next. She'll get things going. So they're letting viewers ask questions this season? Here's a question: WHERE THE HELL'S ANTONELLA? Now here's a backup singer who belongs at the front of the stage. I actually think the song was a bit boring, but it doesn't really matter. Her voice is one of the two best in the competition. She's in this for the long haul. Why is Paula crying? Did somebody steal her Valium?
Here comes Chris Sligh, who's going without glasses tonight. Endless Love is a risk, but he's made it sound like a Coldplay song. In fact, it's a Coldplay sample. First of all, he looks weird without the glasses. He looks, how can I put this, like a woman. Hey, that's Sanjaya's gig! I found this to be a very strange choice, which is strange from a guy who usually makes good choices. You should never take a famous song and turn it into something completely different. What's the point? Nobody wants to hear Endless Love as Coldpay would sing it. We want to hear it how Lionel RIchie sang it and see if you're equal to the task. This was a gamble that didn't pay off.
I just realized I haven't mentioned TSW yet tonight. Don't worry, she's here. She's just being quiet tonight. Aw, what a cute, quiet, little TSW. Aren't you precious? Goo goo, googly goo... OW! Why did you just smack me in the face? OK, I'll stop with the baby talk. Here's Gina, singing Love Child. Seems like a decent song choice. I never know what to think of her. I don't think she's getting any help from the band, whose arrangement feels a little thin. Gina sounds okay. Not bad. Not great. Kind of forgettable, actually.
Oh no. It's time for Sanjaya. God she's annoying. And she went with the Justin Guarini haircut tonight. Wait, it's not so much Guarini as it is Jennifer Grey from the Dirty Dancing days. You go, girl! This is actually Sanjaya's best performance of the season, which is a bit like saying Boise is the best city in Idaho.
Haley's up now. She's a cutie. I hope she does well. As cute as she is, her whole look and sound make her come across like a poor-man's Katharine McPhee. A very poor man's Katharine McPhee. I mean, we're talking like a homeless dude's Katharine McPhee here. She really doesn't deserve to be in the Final 12, either, and this performance could mean she won't make the FInal 11. Wait a second, she really pulled herself back up with her post-song interview. She was hilarious with her facial expressions, and she actually used the word "schmuck" on the air, an Idol first. That's gotta be worth something. I think Haley just won a lot of votes and bought herself another week with the greatest post-song chat in Idol history.
It's Phil's turn. He needs a big showing tonight. Phil is a really interesting contestant. He's capable of reaching great highs, but only if he picks the right songs. This was a good choice tonight. This was a good night for him. He's still a bit weird looking, but there's something likable and sincere about him. TSW says she just figured out that Phil sounds like Jon Secada, and therefore she's done with him.
LaKisha's up next. Now if anyone should be able to nail Diana Ross, it's LaKisha. I've got to say, even though I think she was nearly pitch-perfect, I didn't really like the song. I thought there was something missing to that performance. The judges disagree, but the judges aren't seers, now, are they?
It's Blake time, ya'll. He's gonna update You Keep Me Hanging On. Let's see if he does what Chris couldn't. Well, it was better than Chris' remake tonight, but it wasn't great. Blake's voice is a little weak and it showed tonight, but he's always entertaining. The boy can move, and as I've said many times, he's ultra-talented. I think he was hampered somewhat by having to do a Diana Ross song, but he should survive to next week.
Time for Stephanie. She's good, but she's probably a slight cut below the top two. She kind of reminds me of LaToya London in that she's technically good but she just doesn't have that wow factor. I think she needs to pick up the tempo next week if she's still around.
Okay, it's time for Chris Richardson. There's no love lost between Chris and The Seer. Frankly, he's done nothing but annoy me so far. I'm sorry, I just don't get him. He sounds weird. He moves weird. He makes weird faces. Frankly, he sounds like a dying schnauzer. I don't get it. Thank you, Simon, for finally validating what The Seer has said all along.
Jordin's the anchor babe tonight. TSW is calling it horrible. It doesn't sound that bad to me. It's one of the better performances in a night of mediocrity. Diana Ross is the best-selling female artist in the history of music, and I don't think the contestants could have picked 12 worse songs if they tried. Where were I'm Coming Out, Baby Love, Upside Down, Where Did Our Love Go, and Stop! In the Name of Love? Song choice, people. Pay attention to it. It can make you a star.
I think Brandon and Sanjaya each deserve to go home, with Gina right behind them. But I think the bottom three will be Brandon, Gina and Haley, with Gina going home.
Blog at ya next week,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
'
On with the show...
So it's Diana Ross night, huh? What, Martha and the Vandellas were busy? I kid, I kid. Diana's a great guest, a great guest...for me to poop on! (Sorry, I just feel like channeling Triumph tonight.) Brandon's leading off tonight. Man, he sounds lousy. Just awful. What a horrible way to start the show. He's squeaking, he's forgetting his words. And those were the highlights. This guy didn't belong in the Final 12. He's a backup singer for a reason. They cut Sabrina for this? Ridiculous.
Melinda's next. She'll get things going. So they're letting viewers ask questions this season? Here's a question: WHERE THE HELL'S ANTONELLA? Now here's a backup singer who belongs at the front of the stage. I actually think the song was a bit boring, but it doesn't really matter. Her voice is one of the two best in the competition. She's in this for the long haul. Why is Paula crying? Did somebody steal her Valium?
Here comes Chris Sligh, who's going without glasses tonight. Endless Love is a risk, but he's made it sound like a Coldplay song. In fact, it's a Coldplay sample. First of all, he looks weird without the glasses. He looks, how can I put this, like a woman. Hey, that's Sanjaya's gig! I found this to be a very strange choice, which is strange from a guy who usually makes good choices. You should never take a famous song and turn it into something completely different. What's the point? Nobody wants to hear Endless Love as Coldpay would sing it. We want to hear it how Lionel RIchie sang it and see if you're equal to the task. This was a gamble that didn't pay off.
I just realized I haven't mentioned TSW yet tonight. Don't worry, she's here. She's just being quiet tonight. Aw, what a cute, quiet, little TSW. Aren't you precious? Goo goo, googly goo... OW! Why did you just smack me in the face? OK, I'll stop with the baby talk. Here's Gina, singing Love Child. Seems like a decent song choice. I never know what to think of her. I don't think she's getting any help from the band, whose arrangement feels a little thin. Gina sounds okay. Not bad. Not great. Kind of forgettable, actually.
Oh no. It's time for Sanjaya. God she's annoying. And she went with the Justin Guarini haircut tonight. Wait, it's not so much Guarini as it is Jennifer Grey from the Dirty Dancing days. You go, girl! This is actually Sanjaya's best performance of the season, which is a bit like saying Boise is the best city in Idaho.
Haley's up now. She's a cutie. I hope she does well. As cute as she is, her whole look and sound make her come across like a poor-man's Katharine McPhee. A very poor man's Katharine McPhee. I mean, we're talking like a homeless dude's Katharine McPhee here. She really doesn't deserve to be in the Final 12, either, and this performance could mean she won't make the FInal 11. Wait a second, she really pulled herself back up with her post-song interview. She was hilarious with her facial expressions, and she actually used the word "schmuck" on the air, an Idol first. That's gotta be worth something. I think Haley just won a lot of votes and bought herself another week with the greatest post-song chat in Idol history.
It's Phil's turn. He needs a big showing tonight. Phil is a really interesting contestant. He's capable of reaching great highs, but only if he picks the right songs. This was a good choice tonight. This was a good night for him. He's still a bit weird looking, but there's something likable and sincere about him. TSW says she just figured out that Phil sounds like Jon Secada, and therefore she's done with him.
LaKisha's up next. Now if anyone should be able to nail Diana Ross, it's LaKisha. I've got to say, even though I think she was nearly pitch-perfect, I didn't really like the song. I thought there was something missing to that performance. The judges disagree, but the judges aren't seers, now, are they?
It's Blake time, ya'll. He's gonna update You Keep Me Hanging On. Let's see if he does what Chris couldn't. Well, it was better than Chris' remake tonight, but it wasn't great. Blake's voice is a little weak and it showed tonight, but he's always entertaining. The boy can move, and as I've said many times, he's ultra-talented. I think he was hampered somewhat by having to do a Diana Ross song, but he should survive to next week.
Time for Stephanie. She's good, but she's probably a slight cut below the top two. She kind of reminds me of LaToya London in that she's technically good but she just doesn't have that wow factor. I think she needs to pick up the tempo next week if she's still around.
Okay, it's time for Chris Richardson. There's no love lost between Chris and The Seer. Frankly, he's done nothing but annoy me so far. I'm sorry, I just don't get him. He sounds weird. He moves weird. He makes weird faces. Frankly, he sounds like a dying schnauzer. I don't get it. Thank you, Simon, for finally validating what The Seer has said all along.
Jordin's the anchor babe tonight. TSW is calling it horrible. It doesn't sound that bad to me. It's one of the better performances in a night of mediocrity. Diana Ross is the best-selling female artist in the history of music, and I don't think the contestants could have picked 12 worse songs if they tried. Where were I'm Coming Out, Baby Love, Upside Down, Where Did Our Love Go, and Stop! In the Name of Love? Song choice, people. Pay attention to it. It can make you a star.
I think Brandon and Sanjaya each deserve to go home, with Gina right behind them. But I think the bottom three will be Brandon, Gina and Haley, with Gina going home.
Blog at ya next week,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer
'
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Final 8 Girls
Sorry, Idol lovers. The Seer doesn't have enough time for a full blog tonight. He's got a lot of crap going on. But here's what I thought about tonight: Lakisha was phenomenal, and Melinda was even phenomenaler. It was one of the phenomenalest Idol episodes ever. Almost everyone was great, except for Antonella, who doesn't need to be great if you catch my drift. Plus, Sabrina is rapidly approaching Antonella on the hotometer. Anyhoo, I think it's nearly a lock that Gina and Haley will be going home tomorrow, along with Sanjaya and Jared on the boys' side.
Phenomenally yours,
The Seer
Phenomenally yours,
The Seer
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
March 6 - The Final 8 Boys
So here we are again. The Seer's a bit late coming to this party. TSW and I just moved into a new place, and we went to Home Depot tonight to get some stuff. That was after a trip to Arby's so TSW and the impending Baby Seer could satisfy their fake roast beef jones. You ain't seen nothing until you see a pregnant woman scarf down a Arby's Giant roast beef sandwich. It's kind of like watching alligators flipping all over each other to eat the henchman in a James Bond movie.
Let's give The Seer his due. He hit three out of four last week, correctly predicting that Nick, Leslie and Alaina would go home. For the season, he's five for eight. Sweet job, Seer.
The boys are going first again this week. The theme tonight is each contestant will tell us a secret about himself. I think this is as good a time as any for The Seer to reveal a secret. So here it goes: I cry when I bowl. On with the show...
Blake starts off this week's show. First of all, he starts off by showing us Billy Boy Blue, or whatever he called his alter ego. Not bad. Sounded a little like George Bush, but smarter. Blake sounds good tonight, as usual. And he's doing that scat/beatbox thing again. I haven't gotten sick of that yet, but I guess it could become a bit tiresome at some point. But he was very good. He's definitely original, and clearly multi-talented. Plus, he seems to be able to style his hair in just about any way and look cool. That's a trait The Seer truly admires.
Speaking of hairstyles, here's Sanjaya. I guess you would have to call his coiff the 'Heather Locklear Special.' Way to go, Sanjaya. You're giving men everywhere a wonderful name. Seriously, could he be any gayer? Not that there's anything wrong with that. Clay Aiken was gay. Hell, The Seer's gay. What? That can't be right. Okay, here's his secret. Oh...my...god. Sanjaya, I think I speak for the rest of America when I say that we, under no circumstances, are even remotely surprised that you can hula. This has to be an joke, right? Sanjaya must be some kind of classically trained actor who's putting one over on the whole country in what will be the greatest hoax in American television history. He can't really be like this? Can he? CAN HE?!?! I take back the Heather Locklear thing. He actually looks more like Courteney Cox. TSW thinks he'll transition to the female sex in a few years. I say he's already begun. As far as his performance, well, it sucks. There's a surprise.
Sundance is up next. Get a load of that chest hair! He's like Sasquatch on a bad day. And he sounds like Chewbacca. At least he does tonight. This is horrible. He hasn't hit a single note yet. What a disastrous song choice. He was good last week, but he's taken a monster step down tonight.
Time for Chris Richardson. The Seer hasn't really gotten Chris to this point. He sounds like the noise a balloon makes when someone's letting the air out of it. TSW loves Chris, and says I just can't hear him. Oh, I hear him. And I want to kill myself. If this guy wins this competition, I will never blog again. I can't say it any more strongly.
Here's Jared. So the guy can hoop it up. Okay, as bad as Chris was (according to me), this guy is ten times worse. This looks and sounds like something you'd see in a Christopher Guest film. He blows. Randy thinks that was a solid performance? Solid what? Solid waste maybe.
It's Brandon's turn. I thought this was going to be really good when it started. The problem is that Brandon's voice just isn't all that great. It's okay, but that's about it. He looks good, and that might be enough to get him into the Final 12. I stress the word "might."
So Phil's singing a LeeAnn Rimes song? Shouldn't that be Sanjaya's job? This song had a really bad start. And it's not getting much better. Where did this come from? Another huge step back. This show has been devastatingly bad. Blake started it off right, and it's gone downhill since. I hope they all get voted off.
Chris Sligh's the anchorman tonight. He's already one of the best of the evening, and he hasn't even sung a note. The Seer's Baby's a better singer than most of these guys, and she hasn't even been born yet. This guy is one of the very few boys who has a chance to win this competition. He brings it every week, and he hasn't chosen a bad song yet. I'd be shocked if he's not in the Final 4.
Thank god Chris ended things up on a high note. I was just starting to fit the noose over my neck. The beginning of the show was good and the end of the show was good. The stuff in the middle was 100% industrial strength crapola. So who won't be around next week for the Final 12? I know Jared Cotter is gone. I still think Sanjaya could survive on the strength of the little girl vote, but something tells me his time might be up. So I'll go with Jared and Sanjaya as the ones hitting the tarmac.
Talk to ya tomorrow...
Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer
Let's give The Seer his due. He hit three out of four last week, correctly predicting that Nick, Leslie and Alaina would go home. For the season, he's five for eight. Sweet job, Seer.
The boys are going first again this week. The theme tonight is each contestant will tell us a secret about himself. I think this is as good a time as any for The Seer to reveal a secret. So here it goes: I cry when I bowl. On with the show...
Blake starts off this week's show. First of all, he starts off by showing us Billy Boy Blue, or whatever he called his alter ego. Not bad. Sounded a little like George Bush, but smarter. Blake sounds good tonight, as usual. And he's doing that scat/beatbox thing again. I haven't gotten sick of that yet, but I guess it could become a bit tiresome at some point. But he was very good. He's definitely original, and clearly multi-talented. Plus, he seems to be able to style his hair in just about any way and look cool. That's a trait The Seer truly admires.
Speaking of hairstyles, here's Sanjaya. I guess you would have to call his coiff the 'Heather Locklear Special.' Way to go, Sanjaya. You're giving men everywhere a wonderful name. Seriously, could he be any gayer? Not that there's anything wrong with that. Clay Aiken was gay. Hell, The Seer's gay. What? That can't be right. Okay, here's his secret. Oh...my...god. Sanjaya, I think I speak for the rest of America when I say that we, under no circumstances, are even remotely surprised that you can hula. This has to be an joke, right? Sanjaya must be some kind of classically trained actor who's putting one over on the whole country in what will be the greatest hoax in American television history. He can't really be like this? Can he? CAN HE?!?! I take back the Heather Locklear thing. He actually looks more like Courteney Cox. TSW thinks he'll transition to the female sex in a few years. I say he's already begun. As far as his performance, well, it sucks. There's a surprise.
Sundance is up next. Get a load of that chest hair! He's like Sasquatch on a bad day. And he sounds like Chewbacca. At least he does tonight. This is horrible. He hasn't hit a single note yet. What a disastrous song choice. He was good last week, but he's taken a monster step down tonight.
Time for Chris Richardson. The Seer hasn't really gotten Chris to this point. He sounds like the noise a balloon makes when someone's letting the air out of it. TSW loves Chris, and says I just can't hear him. Oh, I hear him. And I want to kill myself. If this guy wins this competition, I will never blog again. I can't say it any more strongly.
Here's Jared. So the guy can hoop it up. Okay, as bad as Chris was (according to me), this guy is ten times worse. This looks and sounds like something you'd see in a Christopher Guest film. He blows. Randy thinks that was a solid performance? Solid what? Solid waste maybe.
It's Brandon's turn. I thought this was going to be really good when it started. The problem is that Brandon's voice just isn't all that great. It's okay, but that's about it. He looks good, and that might be enough to get him into the Final 12. I stress the word "might."
So Phil's singing a LeeAnn Rimes song? Shouldn't that be Sanjaya's job? This song had a really bad start. And it's not getting much better. Where did this come from? Another huge step back. This show has been devastatingly bad. Blake started it off right, and it's gone downhill since. I hope they all get voted off.
Chris Sligh's the anchorman tonight. He's already one of the best of the evening, and he hasn't even sung a note. The Seer's Baby's a better singer than most of these guys, and she hasn't even been born yet. This guy is one of the very few boys who has a chance to win this competition. He brings it every week, and he hasn't chosen a bad song yet. I'd be shocked if he's not in the Final 4.
Thank god Chris ended things up on a high note. I was just starting to fit the noose over my neck. The beginning of the show was good and the end of the show was good. The stuff in the middle was 100% industrial strength crapola. So who won't be around next week for the Final 12? I know Jared Cotter is gone. I still think Sanjaya could survive on the strength of the little girl vote, but something tells me his time might be up. So I'll go with Jared and Sanjaya as the ones hitting the tarmac.
Talk to ya tomorrow...
Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer
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